Trials and Teratophilia : The StrangeBedFellas Tyv Review

I have been dragging my feet when it comes to writing this review. Bless their heart, Meesh of StrangeBedFellas have been so patient with me while I fussed with this toy. It’s taken months and they’ve been so gracious. So, at long last, I have finally decided my testing has to come to an end. It is time to render judgement on the StrangeBedFellas Tyv.

The Tyv is a dildo I love to look at. The design looks like it belongs on a hot monster hunk, and as a fellow teratophile, I would find myself drooling over it all the time. So, when StrangeBedFellas agreed to send me their Tyv in a Large, I was already looking for monsterboy pornography to pair my new beauty with. When it arrived, I was hopeful that this would be a match made in heaven.

But, my eyes were bigger than my vagina it seems. I spent weeks to no avail trying to get the Tyv inside me. For some reason, the shape of the Tyv resisted me, even in that deliciously soft and squishy density that I had asked for. To help you understand the frustration I felt trying to get the Tyv in, find a stress ball. Hold it in your hand. Now imagine trying to insert that spherical orb into one of your orifices. Trying to get the Tyv inside was like to thread a needle with a bratwurst, only the needle, the wurst and your hands are covered in lube.

LARGE_Tyv_REVIEW_PIC
The Large Tyv, and the first model I was sent to review featuring a beautiful Hellhound inspired coloration.

On the few rare occasions that I achieved penetration with the Tyv, my insides…felt claustrophobic. Not only did the Tyv fill up every square inch and then some, the texture of the plating on the underside of the toy scratched at me uncomfortably. And when I tried to push the dildo in further to achieve the knot? It felt like it was going to tear my perineum! Upset with myself, I put the dildo down and worried about what I could do. I feared being unable to adequately test a dildo and thus render judgement.

Then, I had an idea. Going back to the StrangeBedFella’s etsy store, I picked out a smaller Tyv, in the Medium size to be precise. After carefully going over the dimensions again and comparing it to previous large dildos I’ve owned, I ordered it and awaited for my new, more manageably sized friend to arrive.

Though it seemed impossible, my new Tyv was even prettier than the one originally sent to me for review! The opalescent color is probably THE PRETTIEST coloration of silicone I’ve ever seen. It’s like a magical girl cock and I gotta say, it’s one of my favorites in terms of sheer aesthetic appeal. With renewed excitement, I grabbed the lube, a clit vibe and headed to the testing room with my new prize.

MEDIUM_TYV_REVIEW_PHOTO
My preferred Tyv in a STUNNING OPAL. Ahh Tyv. Maybe someday.

This time, I could more consistently get the Tyv inside me, which was already a huge improvement! My vagina no longer felt claustrophobic and I could get a better sense of how the design worked with my body. It’s just that…I didn’t enjoy the design. I hate to write anything negative at all about the Tyv, since the people behind the toy are so wonderful AND the toy itself is so gorgeous. But in either size, the Tyv ended up at best being mildly uncomfortable. The plate design elements felt too scrapey to me, like the vaginal equivalent of the chafing you get from wearing shoes that you haven’t broken in yet. It’s manageable, and yet, I can’t help but wish the toy were more comfortable. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t break in the Tyv.

With regards to the knot, it was more manageable, but I didn’t get the gloriously full feeling I’d been craving. It didn’t hurt, but it was somewhat uncomfortable to me. I felt like someone had shoved a cork in my vag. And when I pulled it out, I felt like a clogged drain being unplugged. Also, I’m not sure what’s up with my G-spot, but it didn’t agree with the shape of the Tyv. Maybe it’s due to the fact that the toy has a (relatively) small head and I enjoy broad stimulation over pinpoint when it comes to internal stimulation. That lack of G-spot stimulation might also be due to the squishy density, since a firmer Tyv might have a firmer curve, which would be better suited to G-spot stimulation. In all, while the Medium didn’t threaten to cleave my vag apart, it didn’t wow me I’m sorry to say.

The Tyv is a dildo that specifically doesn’t work with my body. It’s beautiful, and I know other reviewers who love it, so I believe that this is an issue that has to do with my anatomy RATHER than a poorly made toy. If you’re curious about the Tyv, I would absolutely recommend trying the small version of the Tyv and seeing if you enjoy that. If you do, it’s much easier to go up to a bigger size and to swap your smaller model. Even though this dildo didn’t work for me, I would still highly recommend StrangeBedFellas over all. Even though the Tyv didn’t work for me, the care they put into the dildo makes me excited to try more of their designs, especially the Fornax, which is a more tapered, but still knotted design that I think my vag would like better.

Not only is StrangeBedFellas making the world a better place by making beautiful dildos, but the people behind the toys are good people. Meesh has been patient and understanding, and the effort and care they put into making these silicone sweeties really shows through. Now, back to flipping through the StrangeBedfellas catalogue like Tindr for monsterfuckers.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks StrangeBedFellas

Double Dong Dare Ya! Uberrime Bella Dildo Review

Welcome to the year 2020. It feels so futuristic right? Maybe it’s the DnD nerd within me getting excited since two 20s means a spectacular confirmed critical hit, but I feel like this year is going to be something special. To kick off the year, I’ve also decided to push myself to make my first review spectacular. I would go through great trials and tests to bring you my first review of 2020, a review of a dildo that comes in both dual and, amazingly, triple density.

Uberrime is no stranger to these holes. I admit I’ve got a genuine soft spot for the company. Not only does Uberrime churn out extremely orgasmic designs, they also use more glitter than a Louisiana drag queen during Mardi Gras. I mean that extremely affectionately, as I am a slut for fun colors and glitter. Art hoe that I am, I’d still use all the Uberrime dildos if they were barfy pink, but I love that I don’t have to. It just feels better conceptually to pound myself with something blue and sparkly.

Thus, with this prefaced, you can understand why I let out a scream of delight when I saw that I was getting to review the Bella, Uberrime’s new dual density dildo. Well, I thought I was just reviewing the dual density, but Marco, the man behind the myth, surprised me. Not only am I reviewing the Bella in it’s dual density flavor, I’ve also got the privilege of reviewing the first triple density toy I’ve ever tried.

The Bella is a fairly basic looking dildo at a glance. It’s a little larger than the average, clocking in at 7+ inches in insertable length and almost 2 inches in diameter at the widest spot. But really, compared to the bizarre fantasy dildos I’ve seen, the Bella wouldn’t be all that impressive if I went by the shape alone. The prices however, would suggest something special, with the dual density clocking in at $99 and the triple density clocking in at $150. These are pricey toys, so if you’re short on cash but still craving something to fill your holes, try the cheaper Elements line from Uberrime to see what you like.

The Bella fares very well in a harness, the large base of the toy makes it very stable when slipped through an O ring. I wore it for hours, prancing around in my Talisman Leather harness as though I had a unicorn horn strapped to my crotch. I even mastered the performance art of the helicopter, and I delight in spinning my cock like a sexy hurricane.

In it’s dual density flavor, the Bella is very much like an erection. It has a nice layer of squish to it, but the firm inner core makes every thrust dramatic and intensely felt. That does mean that if you’re built a little smaller like myself though, and you try to just ram this rocket home, you’re probably going to cuss at this toy. Please don’t, the Bella is a dildo and it can’t understand you.

But, if you give yourself time to warm up and allow your hole to relax, the Bella fills you up oh so comfortably. The Bella isn’t really a G-spot homing device given it’s straight-as-an-arrow shape, but the size of it put’s enough pressure on my vaginal walls that I’m still pretty satisfied. I even got a little bit of cervix stimulation from time to time, which was a first for me. While I don’t know how this toy would work for A-spot stimulation (I’m not sure where mine is) I think that the Bella would be a good toy for exploring deeper stimulation spots.

This brings me to the triple density Bella and oh, how to even begin. The triple density has a soft layer of silicone on top, a gooey, melty secondary layer and a firm inner core. The triple density Bella is pinchable, unlike any other toy in my collection. The soft upper layers of the Bella slide around on the top, making it more skin-like than I’ve ever felt with a sex toy of any stripe. Once, I warmed the dildo in a bowl of water and then masturbated with it. Pair that warm, realistic dildo with an erotic romance novel and you’ll really feel like you’re getting plowed by the hunk in the pages. The softness does have a slight drawback though: it dulls the lovely skin-like texturing of the toy. I don’t doubt that some people will find this very irritating, and if you need texture to get off, I don’t recommend the triple density.

Who would I recommend this dildo to? Well, I have two groups in mind for this particular prick. The first group would be aspiring size queens, as it combines size with pretty reasonable comfort. The second group would be strap on tops who are looking to please an experienced strap on bottom. This dildo is luxurious and IT WILL spoil your strap-on bottom, provided they can handle the size.

As to where you can buy this dildo, you can buy it directly from Uberrime or SheVibe, depending on your fancy. Both are excellent places, and I’ll happily stand by that statement. If you’ve got the dough and a hankering for pinchably soft silicone cock, you should ABSOLUTELY go get a Bella for yourself.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime!

2020: Goals and Reflections

Hey y’all. It’s coming up on the end of the year and I feel like I want to take a minute to reflect on it and maybe set some intentions for the coming year. Indulge me if you will, or wait until the new year to read some posts that are a little less reflective.

I’ve been feeling guilty that I haven’t been updating my blog and my reviews as much. My confidence in my ability to be a reviewer and a writer has been wavering, and my backlog has been getting me down. My affiliates have been so patient and I’m very grateful that they’ve given me space. In 2019, I started gaining more recognition, but I also secured my first full time job in a decidedly not sexy field. My financial and mental health situation has been getting better, but I haven’t been devoting as much time as I’d like to this blog. I want to refocus my energy and bring back life to this place that I love so passionately.

For starters, I’d like to publish my own erotic fiction on this blog, as well as some more exploration of kink. I want to write more personal pieces about my own sexuality and how I’ve noticed it developing. For instance, I’ve been noticing that my fantasies during masturbation often involve me inhabiting a more dominant role than usual, which is something I find super interesting. My fantasies have also been involving more monstrous looking lovers of late and that’s also something I’d love to talk about.

I fucking adore sex toys, so I’m definitely going to plow through my backlog and work on attaining more toys for review, as well as some kink implements. I believe I’ve mentioned previously that I received a mask from PenguinAfterDark for review, and I’m honestly thinking of writing that review as part of Bloodborne erotica.

Book reviews are also in order, as well as reading lists, monthly reviews and EVEN MORE community engagement. I love all the sex bloggers I’ve met and I want to collaborate with more of them. I’m thinking toy swaps, art collaborations, April Fool’s jokes, movie screenings and book clubs (I wanna join Kitten Boheme’s!) to start! I invite people to comment if they have more ideas.

2020 is full of potential and delight. I’m at a much better place now than I was at the beginning of 2019, and I think I’m at the right place to capitalize on my new stability. I’m going to punch my way through the end of this year and get started on making 2020 a good one.

20 Goals for 2020

  1. Have one post a week up
  2. Write a complete erotic story
  3. Use my own original art on this website
  4. Write every day
  5. Start my own original fiction
  6. Read everyday
  7. Join a book club
  8. Fill my Moleskine notebooks
  9. Complete my backlog of toys
  10. Schedule my social media
  11. Get an actually decent porn subscription
  12. Collaborate with other bloggers
  13. Own a glass dildo
  14. Get my very own leather jacket
  15. Create a Sex Blogger Pen (Pin) Pal Club?
  16. Get Spotify Premium
  17. Create an erotic aspiration list
  18. Start a sex spread sheet (masturbation sheet?)
  19. Attend another sex convention
  20. Love and promote my people in the sex toy community.

A big thank you to: Uberrime who has not only made wonderful toys and been a source of joy to review, but who also sponsored my trip to Sex Down South and to whom I will always owe a debt of gratitude, Lust Arts who first gave me a chance as a reviewer, StrangeBedFellas who creates beautiful toys and has been so patient with me, HodgePodgeEntourage for making the most stunning pours I’ve ever seen, PenguinAfterDark for being wonderful, hilarious people and…you, my readers. Thanks everyone, let’s melt this New Year’s face!!

Turkey Day Catch Up! October and November

Hey guys, I know it’s been a while. I want you to know that I’m not dead! And that as the year winds down, I should be posting more often since I’ll get some free time around the holidays. I’ve been up to a lot, but I’ll try to summarize as best I can.

  • I went to Sex Down South in September. I’ve got a whole post sitting in my drafts about it and I swear I’ll finish it!
  • I’ve got the Kip, the digIt and a fun glowy dildo to review coming up! I am extremely excited to write about all these products.
  • I’ve also got both Bellas from Uberrime, as well as a piece of VixSkin to compare them to. Now if only I could get my paws on the triple density VixSkin toy to compare…but here’s a sneak preview: GET THE BELLA!
  • It’s almost Black Friday and there are a FUCK TON of sales! I recommend SheVibeand Peepshow Toys if you’re looking to stock up on the cheap. Personally, I’ll be getting the WeVibe Tango and the Pillow Talk Sassy from Peepshow this year, I’m curious to see how they stack up!
  • I have a leather mask to review from PenguinAfterDarkthat I just ADORE! I’m honestly thinking of doing a photoshoot in it so I can really explain how it makes me feel. It also gives me MAJOR Persona 5 vibes. Maybe that would be a fun way to market it…
  • As far as kinks go, I’ve been exploring hypnosis recently and I’m really curious to see how that would go. I’m less interested in being hypnotized and more interested in hypnotizing someone into losing their inhibitions and ravishing me though.
  • I’ve started some new reading! Rosemary’s Baby, The Complete Works of H.P. Lovecraft, and the Ultimate Guide to Kink to name a few! Man I have a lot of books to read.
  • I’ve also been working away on my NaNoWriMo project! I don’t think I’ll win this year, but I’m gonna do my best!

Thanks everyone for your patience. Also, expect a piece later today about my own Black Friday deals that I’ve got cookin’! You want wanna miss it.

Love y’all, have a good Turkey Day!

XenoCat Artifacts Barghest Review

A while back (in terms of Twitter), I wanted to try reviewing toys with knots. I’d seen them a lot on social media and lusted over them on Etsy. And so when XenoCat offered me the chance to try their take on a canine cock, well, you could say I was fit to be tied. Lame puns aside, I was ecstatic to try the Barghest, having tried the Monarch and just adored that ripply texture. It’s actually one of the go-to dildos I suggest for people interested in trying out fantasy toys because of its friendly design. But back to the point, as soon as this pretty pastel penis hit my doorstep, I fucked myself with it. And then…I took forever to review it. Both the Barghest and the dongmongers behind it deserve better, so I’m going attempt to rectify my long silence here in this review by telling you just HOW GOOD this supernatural schlong is.

The first thing to assure yourself of is that the Medium Barghest is not HUGE. To be specific, it’s about 5.75″ long and maybe 2″ thick at the widest part of the knot. It’s certainly packing a bit more in dimensions than say, the Deelit, but the Barghest is not exactly built to terrify. In fact, when I picture what this dildo might be attached to, I picture a gentle werewolf lover, welcoming me into her protective arms and filling me up just right with her canid cock. I admit, I’ve always had a weakness for strong werewolves and this was just the dildo for my fantasies.

At the start of my masturbation session with the Barghest, I only used the top of the shaft. And it was perfectly seductive. It slipped in and out of my cunt with silken ease and was curved just enough to graze my G-spot in a tantalizing manner. The knot was still outside of me, teasing my entrance and I shivered to think what it might feel like. In my fantasies, my lady werewolf lover teases me with the knot, asking me if I’m ready to take it. As my vag gradually warms up and becomes more relaxed, I find myself getting excited at the prospect of getting that drool-worthy knot in me.

When I found myself close to climaxing, I stuffed myself with the Barghest’s knot and boy howdy. I may not love every knotted cock out there, but I’ve fallen ass over teakettle for the Barghest. The knot feels like it occupies every square inch of my vagina; it stimulates my vagina just by being so filling that it can’t NOT hit my G-spot. Between the golden sensation of fullness and the G-spot satisfaction, the Barghest made me one happy customer.

Clearly, the people at XenoCat know their trade very well. Not only are the dildos they’ve crafted beautiful, but they’re pleasurable as all get out too. I can’t thank them enough for their patience and their brilliant design work. As for who should consider the Barghest as their newest playmate? This toy is great for intermediate players and for those looking to try a knot without wanting to struggle too much. So if you’re someone who’s felt the call of fantasy dildos, I highly recommend the Barghest.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks XenoCat Artifacts!

 

Strange BedFellas Deelit Review

The internet seems to have stereotype when it comes to fantasy toys. Or a few stereotypes anyway. The first being that all fantasy toys have to be both ridiculously long and orifice-bustingly thick to be worth the money. The second is that only furries could possibly want a toy that dares to be something more than the standard human model or an abstract shape for pleasure. The Deelit from Strange BedFellas is a diminutive dong with a daring personality. The Deelit says to the world that realm of fantasy cannot and should not be limited to the size queens. The Deelit says to all of us with pansy poopers and wussy pussies that we’re welcome into the fantasy fold.

71922400_526999367843694_3103197249560117248_n
The BEAUTIFUL Deelit

The Deelit’s design looks like the product of the marriage of an ice cream cone and alien. And boy is this result ever handsome, with a swirling design and beautiful, icy coloration that put a twinkle in any monsterfucker’s eye. At 4.75″ in length and just 1.6″ in girth at the thickest, the Deelit doesn’t break any records for size. However, that size also means that it’s perfect for users with vaginismus, as well as users who are anal beginners. However, since I’m all vagina all the time, and the design so beautiful, it was only moments until I stuffed into my vagina.

I melted at the first thrust of the Deelit, savoring the gentle rippling texture as I pushed it to the hilt inside of me. Once the insertion was over, I immediately started the removal, wanting to feel those GLORIOUS ripples again. When moving, the Deelit is a gentle but noticeable partner. For the first half of my masturbation session, I can fuck myself silly with the Deelit in my vag and the Zumio on my clit.

Inevitably though, once my vagina opens up I started craving more sensation. And if the Deelit was stationary? No dice. Inevitably, I swapped the Deelit out for a larger toy, but I can’t deny that it made my warmup and first orgasms phenomenal.

If I were to class this dildo, I would definitely say it was a dildo for fantasy lovers with vaginismus or otherwise unused to penetration. For people looking for a rougher ride, Id look to another friend from Strange BedFellas, though I truly believe that this is a worthy addition to any toybox!

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Strange BedFellas!

Neo Elite Dildo 7″ Review

Who here relishes the idea of sex toys? Great, I was hoping you would considering the fact that you’ve made it to my site. Now who also has had two tightly intertwined problems: 1) You need a soft, body safe sex toy but 2) You’re short on cash so you can’t shell out for Vixen. Yeah, I know, isn’t this all of us? Dual density has long been the realm of the luxury dildos. Vixen is perhaps the most widely known of all the companies to make dual density, though for many a casual masturbator, the $100+ price tag puts them off trying. For a long time, this was me, the casual masturbator too afraid to shell out for luxury but not wanting any porous crap in my body. My first dildo was a rock hard Lovehoney dildo that hurt every time I tried to insert it. So I was put off of silicone dildos for a while until I got used to penetration. But maybe…maybe if I’d had a dual density dildo I wouldn’t have been put off by silicone for that time. And I think that maybe if the Neo Elite 7.5 Inch Dual Density Realistic Silicone Dildo With Balls (here on referred to the Neo Elite) had been my first dildo, I would’ve had a happier experience over all.

The first thing that jumps to mind when looking at The Neo Elite is the cheery orange color. I admit it, I’m a sucker for non-normative sex toy colors so that sort of influenced me when I asked for SheVibe to let me review this toy. But I was also stunned by the price! Usually, a dual density dildo will run you AT LEAST 50 dollars. But the Neo Elite slides in at under $32, which is a fucking steal. Honestly, I’m not sure what kind of dildo wizardry Blush has pulled, but when I saw the price tag and the words ‘dual density’ I knew I needed to try it, to see if it might be worth recommending as a beginner dildo.

Aside from the bright orange color, the Neo Elite is kind of a tame looking dildo. It looks like a nicely rendered human penis without falling into the sex toy uncanny valley but that’s about it. The 7.5 version does sport balls for some unfathomable reason; they’re like little silicone ornaments. And the dimensions aren’t that crazy, clocking in at 1.5″ in girth and 5.5″ in insertable length. If this were a single density dildo, it really wouldn’t be worth the time.

But GOD that dual density makes the fucking difference. When I’m ultra sensitive or sore but I still want penetration, this is a good dildo. I lube up with a little Good Clean Love and I can gently work myself open with the Neo Elite. The Neo Elite doesn’t argue with my body or force it open, it gently persuades me that I want my vag to be filled. The dual density is cushy enough to soften the initial entry and lets me fill myself with squishy comfort. While I don’t often use it as a finisher, it’s great for starting off masturbation. And it was a pretty good tool to get me used to penetration again when my boyfriend got home. Earlier this year, I hadn’t been using dildos for a month, so when my boyfriend got home penetration was uncomfortable. Thank God for the Neo Elite, I was able to not only feel comfortable being penetrated, but it started on finding pleasure in it after having neglecting my dildos for a month.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I could go back in time, I would take away that hard as a rock Lovehoney dildo and gift the Neo Elite to me two years ago. She would have adored it and it would’ve made prevented me from getting scared off by dildos for a while. This is a toy I recommend to people wanting to try penetration with something approximately the size of a human but want something gentler to start off with. I also recommend it to people who want to see if softer sex toys are for them without dropping a ton of cash right away. At 31.99, the Neo Elite is a sweet deal for your wallet and your holes.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review! Thanks SheVibe!

August Wrap Up: Ballin’ on a Budget

Partnered Life

My partner is home and we’re back to our regular sexual program! We’ve been adoring having one another back in the bed together.

Another thing that we’re delighting in is our coffee drinking lives. The partner and I have inherited a frankly astonishing espresso machine that is making our caffeinated lives blissful.

My partner and I also went to DragonCon! We didn’t stay long, just passed through but it was a delightful experience. I got a few souvenirs in the form of T-shirts with a gothic vibe.

Health and Wellness

I’ve felt in better spirits this month thanks to the return of my partner. I’ve started sleeping more regularly and feel fit to continue my work writing! With my depression eased, expect to see more posts around here!

I plan on writing consistently, as well as getting to bed earlier.

Turn ons and Toys

This month  I’ve managed to procure some truly astonishing toys at bargain prices! I’ve worked my deals and used black magic to find the Vixen Johnny in Single Density, The Jopen Comet Key Wand, and the Magic Wand Rechargeable all at different price points but all significantly below their normal purchase price. The highest I paid was $79, and that was for the Magic Wand Rechargeable

I’m also making September the Month of Magic! I’ll be reviewing all my fantasy toys. They are:

Turn ons this month have tended towards the voyeuristic and the exhibitionist. Sometimes I fantasize about walking in on someone masturbating and watching them go at it while I rub one out secretly. But often I fantasize about someone catching me masturbating and finding the sight so incredibly arousing that they can’t help but jerk off.

bratphomet casual

I’ve also been fantasizing so much about my demon fantasy (that I’ve mentioned previously) that I’ve commissioned a character to act out that fantasy! You’ve seen her on my Twitter and I’m formally introducing her now on my blog. Her name is Bellephagor, and she’s a Baphomet. Standing at 5’0″, she’s short but imposing. She’s also the Head of the Torture Department in Hell. Rumor has it that she’s known to sexually torment a lucky few sinners~. This makes me want to write a post about sexual exploration through art and living vicariously through characters. Do you think this would be a good idea? Let me know in the comments!

Misc.

Going to attend Sex Down South. Commissioning art of my new character, Bellephagor. Reading a series of witchy thriller novels. Starting up my daily writing. Drinking an Americano in bed. Watering my pet basil plant, Jeffrey. Switching between the Zumio and the Magic Wand Rechargeable whenever I fancy it. Buying toys on r/usedsextoys. Buying cute enamel pins. Going to a business party with my partner’s coworkers. Drinking honey beer. Watching the Dark Crystal and the Netflix Series it spawned. Marathoning the Rocky Movies.

June + July Wrap Up: Empty Bed Blues

This post has been a long time coming, so I appreciate everyone waiting for me! I’ve been dealing with bouts of depression and burn out, so finally getting this post out feels like a big weight off me! Now I’ll get my reviews in after this…

Partnered Life

My partnered life has been kind of non-existent lately. Why’s that you may ask? Well, my boyfriend is out of the country, and that’s had the both of us feeling lonely. While the boyfriend and I make sure to have a phone call everyday, I miss waking up next to him in bed.

The good news is that of time of writing this piece, my boyfriend will be home in just a few days! We’ve got lots planned for our reunion, and I plan on it being smashing.

Health and Wellness

Like my partnered life, my health and wellness have sort of been taking a back seat as I deal with loneliness and with getting used to my new job! However! All hope is not lost, as I’ve started making a few changes for the better. I’ve started hiking the trails near my apartment and I’ve generally increased my water in take to help me sleep better at night.

As of time of writing, my meditation practice and daily writing goals have fallen off. So, my new goal is to not beat myself up over this, but to allow myself to ease back into these practices. Here’s hoping that I can get back into it!

Turn Ons and Toys

Due to my partner’s aforementioned absence, toys have figured more prominently than ever in my solo sex life. More specifically, The Strange Bedfellas Tyv, the Uberrime Bella, and the Spirito have been my bedside companions for the past month and a half. I’m a big fan of the girth that the Tyv rocks, and the Bella is just…bellissima. Absolutely perfect in terms of softness and comfort for when I don’t want a wank that’s overwhelming. Using the Bella is like the dildo equivalent of a gentle, capable masseuse working out all the knots in your anxious, tight shoulders. Except in this case it’s my vagina.

With regards to my fantasy life, I’ve been big into the bimbo/braindrain fetish. Something about being a brainless slut happily slurping cocks has been really appealing. Maybe it’s the inability to feel anxiety? Maybe it’s the freedom of reclaiming sexist tropes? Or maybe I just really want to suck some dick. Its anyone’s guess.

Misc

Visiting home and buying new wine glasses. Trying on new perfumes. Seeing a heron snatch a fish out of the water. Petting dogs at the office. Ordering new enamel pins. Buying discounted dildos. Drinking grapefruit San Pellegrino mixed with white wine. Writing a post again. Saying ‘I love you’. Getting a Moleskine notebook as a souvenir. Texting good friends. Making plans to attend a conference.

Melted! The Magma Silicone Dildo Review

The summer of 2017 was the first time I started really getting into the world of sex toys. I voraciously consumed articles from Epiphora, Dangerous Lilly and Artemisa FemmeCock. As I combed through old posts, the ones that were the most exciting and the most heart wrenching were the posts that featured discontinued products. I look back on those posts featuring lost brands like Ophoria and Fucking Sculptures with a sense of frustration. Such great toys that I will NEVER get to experience unless by the grace of some god out there I snagged one in a sale or in a swap. And so I had, for the longest time, assumed the Tantus Splash would be forever out of my reach as well…until now. A few months ago, Tantus relaunched the Splash in it’s new, re-vamped form as The Magma. Delighted beyond all reason, I asked SheVibe to review it and they agreed! Now all this dildo had to do was live up to the hype.

Just by looking at the Magma, I knew I was in for an intense experience of some kind. Not because of the dimensions necessarily though. At about seven inches long in total with six insertable inches, the Magma is not an ultra long toy, nor is it particularly girthy, clocking in at just 1.5 inches thick. But then, were this toy any bigger, it would easily be the most overwhelming toy in my collection currently. The ad copy for the Magma claims that the Magma is ‘super soft’ which most dildo veterans know to be a bit of an exaggeration when it comes to Tantus. The Magma is flexible and bendy, but I wouldn’t call it squishy or soft really. It doesn’t want to conform to the inner workings of my body in the way that an Uberrime or a LustArts toy does, but it doesn’t fight my contours too much. So while I won’t validate this toy as being ‘super soft’ I will say that it’s not as hard as their regular formula.

So how did the made over Splash fair in my vag? Well, this is the part of the review that I’ve been putting off writing, because well…it requires nuance. I really can’t rattle off an exuberant idiom proclaiming my love for this dildo but I also can’t say that I’ve fallen in love with it. It’s hard to say how I feel about the Magma. At times, it can be wildly and uncomfortably scrape-y on my insides. But at other times, it can be a pretty pleasurable ride. During the days where my cunt is so desensitized that I have to bust out the textured heavy hitters to get any kind of pleasurable sensation out of my leaden vagina, I’ll whip out the Magma. But most days, I found the Magma to be far too firm and far to scrape-y and scratchy in my vagina to really be an asset in masturbation. It was distracting, and sometimes uncomfortable to the point of pain if I wasn’t using very thick lube a la GCL or going very slowly. With a lot of warm up, I found the Magma to be more comfortable, but not really very pleasurable. So really, outside of the initial testing phase, this dildo hasn’t seen a lot of use.

My overwhelming sense of the Magma is of someone who encounters a much vaunted classic movie and then is wildly underwhelmed. Imagine if you went in to watch Titanic and came away feeling feeling mildly uncomfortable and confused as to why everyone was raving over it and you’ll get the scope of my feelings for this toy. Tantus, I’m afraid you’ve struck out again with me.

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!