I was born in ’96, back when the internet was still getting its legs under it. Mostly, the internet was for Neopets, online Disney games, The Sherwood MMORPG, and a writing site that I can sadly no longer remember but where I first attempted writing a novel about dragons. As I grew older though, my body began to change…and so did my search history. I began with the most tentative of searches: the word sex typed into the Yahoo! search bar. I would look up definitions and masturbate to that, eyes feverishly running over fairly clinical descriptions of PiV. I would type ‘porn’ into the search bar and jerk off to the descriptions of porn videos, too afraid that my parents would find out if I dared to click the link.
Later, becoming more adventurous, I actually dared click on some links to these searches. Little did I know that I was fated to discover that which western white men so love: hentai. I discovered a world of shiny-eyed heroines scream-moaning as a censored penis penetrated them, with gratuitous internal shots and depictions of semen spurting violently when the male lead ejaculated. Sometimes, if the heroine was a virgin, there would be a scene of blood streaming down her legs to show her innocence breaking. These first few scenes would begin my non-con fetish which persisted until my 20s, after which, the visceral distress became a squick rather than a turn-on. I would seek out pornography wherein there was degradation, non-consensual sex, and distress on the part of the heroine. I distinctly remember reading and re-reading the same Naruto fan fiction on DeviantArt because of it’s graphic depiction of sex. The female lead had her consent violated over and over again, but would eventually give in to the pleasure of being violated and orgasm. Teenage Liz found this depiction of sex extremely compelling, and it was only fear of being caught that prevented her from adding this first fic to her spank bank.
Having outgrown DeviantArt, Liz then moved to Tumblr, back in the day when it was still legal to be horny there. For years, Tumblr was where I got my more unusual porn. With just a few taps of the keyboard, I could view almost any kind of erotica. I jerked off to amateur videos of guys cumming in fleshlights, I read erotica with themes of sissification, and I hungrily read the porn comics featuring attractive monster boys. In essence, I became an erotic omnivore. I developed a taste for some more niche fetishes, and had passing dalliances with types of pornography that no longer turn me on. For example, I used to be very turned on by pregnancy porn, wherein the sexual recipient gets pregnant as a result of sex or otherwise insemination. But the pregnancy kink so often coincided with incest that I’ve not jerked off to it for sometime now. Incest is probably one of my primary squicks what with being from the south and having that disgust ingrained in me thanks to my parents.
This brief vignette of my sexual development all serves to explain this: that thanks to the internet, sex and sexuality have evolved. For more than a month now, I attempted to synthesize a piece connecting sexting, erotic roleplay, Gaian kink culture, sexting chatrooms and erotic fan fiction to no avail. All of these elements were vital to my sexual development, but they would not stick together as a cohesive piece. So instead dear readers, I present to you my newest series: Digital Filth. This series will be a rambling dive into the corners of online sex and erotica with a wide range of subjects. It’s an exciting ride and I hope you join me as we explore!