JeJoue Classic Bullet Review

As readers of my previous posts may know, I’ve been a faithful lover to my Exposed Nocturnal Bullet. Yes, I admitted the toy had some faults, even in the loving post where I reviewed it, I mentioned that I thought the toy had given me a cut on my urethra. But even the threat of a recurrence of this unfortunate event wasn’t enough to put me off. It’s cheap, rechargeable and strong. And I’d still recommend it if your budget firmly excludes vibrators over fifty dollars! But…this month my clit was wooed. Seduced away from the knife sharp vibrations by more rumbly, sweet vibrations that gently massaged my clitoris and all her internal structures. Yes, I admit, I’ve found someone else. The JeJoue Classic Bullet is rumbly and gentle to me and I’ve fallen head over heels.

The JeJoue Classic Bullet is a silicone covered bullet without any bells and whistles to differentiate it from the other bullets. Well, perhaps excepting the cheerful teal color and squishy silicone tip. There are three buttons on the side, and there are 5 speeds which range from a fluttery tap to a more robust buzz. Some reviewers despise the button placement, but I don’t really find it that inconvenient. Still, it does make the bullet a little less ergonomic. The Classic is also waterproof, which I tested in my sink as I washed a few choice dildos. It holds an average amount of charge, and so I was disappointed the two times it died on me and I had to find another toy to finish me off. Admittedly I go for weeks without charging it, so this is kind of my fault. And, as mentioned above, the Classic also has a squishy tip, which some other reviewers have noted! This makes the bullet vibe a little more comfortable if you like to put pressure against your clit.

Now, as for how the Classic fairs against my clitoris…well, it’s like taking my clit to the spa. This is a gentle massage, a purring rumble that makes my internal structures SWOON. In terms of music, the Exposed Nocturnal is a shrieking electric guitar, all sharp and strong, where the Classic is a thrumming, throbbing bass. The quality of vibrations are so different that it actually took a little while for my brain to interpret the vibrations of pleasurable. But I also noticed that my clit needed less of a break between orgasms and felt less raw after the sessions. There’s a fuzzy-wuzzy comfortable feeling to these vibrations and it penetrates deeply, so my clitoris doesn’t get numbed out like it does sometimes with buzzier vibes. My whole clitoral network gets involved, so I can place this just to one side of my vulva and be awash in LOVELY sensation. On the lower levels, the sensation is almost like tapping on my clit rather than strictly vibrations. It’s like a tapping pattern but with no break in stimulation. What I’m saying is that this vibe is like a good vanilla ice cream: not innovative, but a simple thing done excellently. And at a fair price considering the Classic is only $59!

I’m not saying that I don’t still love my Exposed Nocturnal, it was my first love after all. But I am saying that I’m not monogamous with my vibrators. The Classic has been a trooper, reliably tapping and thrumming against my clit until I shudder and cum. Honestly, it’s a toy that exemplifies the perks of being a sex toy reviewer.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

Zumio X Review

I am laying naked on my bed, with the whirring tip of the Zumio buried in the fleshy folds of my inner labia near my clit. My eyes are sliding over the erotica I’ve picked out haphazardly, the careful and constructed sentences of literary fucking are almost ignored because of the intensity next to my clit. The sensation of the Zumio is intense and glorious; I find my eyes sliding in and out of focus at times and screwing up tight at others. It is powerful and squirm inducing this pleasure. I try to resist, try anything to not give in and cum too quick, but alas, a squeal stutters out of my throat and I feel my cunt flexing and squeezing in the rhythm of orgasm.

My boyfriend walks into the bed room to see me jerking off with what looks like a fabric gel pen pressed against my clit. He asks me “Is it good?”

I look up at him, my face pink.

“Fuck yeah it is.”

The Zumio is never a toy I expected to review. I had heard about it and knew several reviewers approved of it, but somehow I hadn’t really considered that I would ever own one. That is, until my shining star Kitten Boheme asked me if I wanted one. When I saw that Twitter DM I felt like she just nonchalantly asked if I wanted a platinum plated credit card good for infinite orgasms. Suffice to say, I said said yes. We traded details and jokes and hopes that I would like until it arrived.

When I opened it, I admit I knew what I was in for. The Zumio is kind of a weird looking toy. It’s shaped a bit like something I would expect from a Michael’s craft section, with a thick, gel pen body and a tiny whirly bit at the end. With a robust 8 speeds ranging from an intense ‘low’ to a ‘SOMEONE’S BLASTING MY CLIT WITH A LASER’ high, there’s been a variety of ways I can experience this. The Zumio also boasts an impressive use time of four hours on one charge but…it does take 16 hours to charge. So, pros and cons I guess. It charges in a neat way, in its own cup standing up right. And the Zumio is waterproof, which is kind of awesome, since cleaning the little thing would otherwise be a nightmare.

But I admit, I’m not thinking about how cool the Zumio’s charging mechanisms are or about how grateful I am that it’s easy to clean because its waterproof. At least, not most of the time. No, when I see it on my nightstand just hanging out, I’m thinking about the laser focused intensity that I can use to literally force myself into orgasm. Because the hype train is right, HOLY FUCK is it intense. The Zumio is my depression masturbation savior. It’s just what I need when my vag feels numb from depression or my period. The Zumio pummels my clit to orgasm and I’m just too happy to let it…over and over again. It’s easy to give and just use the Zumio solo, but when I can bring myself to put the Zumio aside long enough to lube up a dildo, it makes for a VERY satisfying session.

The way I’ve used the Zumio most often is I press it into my labia majora and can feel the stimulation through the fleshy parts of my vulva. The best speed of eight on the Zumio is the third one, it hits the sweet spot of ‘powerful enough to get me off quickly’ without being so extreme that it overwhelms my clit and makes me cry. In the spirit of trying off-label uses, I also tried putting the twirly tip inside the mouth of my vag to see if it would feel good. But the thrashing feeling was so weird that I gave up after just a few seconds. This is fine, the Zumio is a clit toy and doesn’t need to go inside me. I’ll also use this on my clitoral hood or on the shaft of my clitoris. The times that I’ve dared pull back my clit hood and put the Zumio directly onto my clit, I wanted to fucking scream. The sensation is so severe and overwhelming that I can’t bring myself to actually do it to myself for all that long. A few times, I even felt a kind of pain which scared me off doing that too often. Girly Juice mentions that this would be awesome for a forced orgasm scene and I’m inclined to agree. The only time the Zumio is coming directly in contact with my clit is if someone else is wielding it.

The Zumio is like the Deathwish of vibrators. A vibrator that kicks you in the ass and wakes you up with a zippy, severe and joyful sensation. It’s also like Deathwish in that not everyone is going to like it. For some people, this amount of stimulation is going to feel just devastating on their clit. And that’s fine! But for those of us who get a rush from the extreme, the Zumio might be just your cup of coffee.

This toy was given to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Kitten Boheme (go read her stuff, she’s hilarious!)

May Wrap Up: Health, Heat and Home

Partnered Life

The 27th of this month marked one month of my boyfriend and I living together! We’ve finally gotten rid of all of our boxes and the place looks quite livable now. I’m in love with how bright this place is. We’ve made meals and had champagne here, so it’s truly become our place.

My boyfriend and I also had a vacation this month! We went to the Outer Banks and enjoyed some surf and sun. It was tons of fun, and I’ve collected many shells and sunburns from our trip. I highly recommend going there if you ever get the chance.

In addition to our beach trip, my boyfriend and I have also been out and about visiting my parents and my aunt. My aunt lives far out in the sticks, so we got to have a taste of country living. Donkeys brayed louder than I’d imagined they could; I held baby chickens who were cottony soft balls that scampered and peeped and I dangled my feet in an icy cold pool. I also had an exquisite Italian Cream Cake baked for my birthday. Simply glorious!

Health and Wellness

Well, this month was kind of tough on my health. I know it feels like I say that most every month, but this month has gifted me something new: a birthday scar! I have a little notch right between my eyes from firing a gun much larger than my petite size could handle. The kick back got me between the eyes and frightened my boyfriend. With luck my little scar will fill in, but if not, I’ll console myself by saying that it gives my face character.

The other major thing that happened this month, at least in the health department was dealing with my mother’s severe health crises. In the week after my birthday, my mother was in and out of the hospital and I flew back to make sure that she was alright and to be there for her. We don’t know why this happened to her; my mother has perfect health. But with medicine and a cautious recovery plan, it looks like my family and I can expect to see her recover.

Turn Ons and Toys

Well, when I wasn’t dealing with vacations or health crises, I did get a little horny. Here’s whats been on my mind and in my various orifices…

This month I’ve been a little erotically curious; I’ve been dipping my toes into more medical themed fetishes and anal play. I’m not always turned on by hot doctors giving me an exam, but something about May had me excited about getting finger fucked by a latex clad professional. I asked about this on Twitter and was welcomed by my people. So are rubber gloves a fetish unto themselves or merely a subdivision of the latex fetish. That might be something to examine in a later post…

I’ve made no secret of my desire to acquire knotted dildos, and XenoCat Artifacts has stepped up! I’ve gotten my hands on a GORGEOUS specimen called the Barghest. Given the pastel pinks and purples, I like to imagine this dildo is modeled off a pastel goth were-hyena girl who will knot me and dominate me. She’d be soft where I want her and hard where I need her and I realize I’m sounding more like a furry every minute.

The other toys I’ve been absolutely enamored of are the Zumio, which I got from Kitten (she’s amazing and HILARIOUS) and the Sensi from Uberrime which I reviewed here. One provides the most focused clitoral stimulation I’ve ever had, and the other provides effortless pussy-plugging pleasure. I’ll reviewing the Zumio soon enough, along with a few other adorable orange toys, but if you haven’t read my Sensi review, I’ll sum it up: IF YOU HAVE A VAG, BUY IT!

Miscellaneous

Getting farm fresh eggs. Washing a new and extremely soft blanket. Talking about book ideas with the boyfriend. Getting back to writing consistently. Getting books on sex and books on writing. Drinking my favorite San Pellegrino flavor. Making waffles with my boyfriend. Collecting seashells. Searching pet stores for ferrets. Returning books to the library. Slapping dildos suctioned to the wall. Complimenting my friend’s new look. Getting ready to start my new job. Becoming obsessed with the smell of lavender. Having slow, leisurely sex. Getting sandwiches from my new favorite café. Getting a coffee table. Sleeping with my boyfriend every night.