Liz’s Christmas Wishlist

Dear Santa, 

I’ve been a very good blogger this year. I’ve reviewed dildos, butt plugs, lube, kink implements, vibrators and given my honest advice and thoughts on a number of miscellaneous topic. More specifically, I’ve talked an awful lot about urinary health, toxic toys and relationships, how to jerk off in the winter and what toys you can stuff yourself with on a modest budget. I’ve licked lube, made friends online and proudly presented my darling partner with our latest silicone treasures. 

And so this year, dearest Santa, I’ve come up with some things that I’d like for Christmas for being such a good blogger.

  • Sex toys and Misc.
  • Writing Aids
  • Kink Toys
  • Literature

Sex toys and Misc.

  1. Liberator Throe: Man, where do you begin with this. Everyone who likes to have sex ought to have one. It’s been touted as perfect for squirters, people who have sex on their period and generally as superior to the ol’ towel in every respect. I’d love to have one of these, if only so testing during my period is less awkward. WELL AND SO THAT I DON’T STAIN AFTER MY BOYFRIEND LEAVES. Listen, not using condoms feels great but it does make clean up a little more intensive.
  2. The Rechargeable Magic Wand: Oh how I’ve lusted for you. I’ve refrained from getting it due to the price tag, but I’m wooed by the tales of effortless orgasms and the freedom that a cordless vibrator offers. While I’m still delighted with my Unicorn Vibrator, ours is an open relationship, and the Magic Wand Rechargeable look like just what my clit needs.
  3. Vixen Creations Woody: THE RED!! God I’m in love with red sex toys. They’re perfectly passionate and I’ve heard nothing but good things about Woody. I think it would look perfect in my new strap on harness, a nicely sized red dildo superimposed on black briefs really speaks to my slutty jock heart. 
  4. A full sized stroker: What? A toy not for me?? Nah, this is still totally for me. I want to use a stroker on my boyfriend! It’s not often I’m dominant, but sometimes, you get possessed by the urge to taunt your partner as you get him off. Pair that with a cute outfit and you’ve got an adorable BDSM scene!
  5. Ruse 18 Inch Double Dildo: I’ve kind of always had a fantasy of making myself bulge through the use of a double-ended dildo. The idea of seeing my flat, athletic tummy bulging as I slide a dildo deep, deep into my ass is…shiver-inducingly hot. However, most double ended toys are made of TPE or jelly, some distinctly unfriendly toy materials.  HOWEVER! This Blush Novelties answered my dreams by making a body safe, silicone dil that I can fulfill my dreams with. And the icing on top is that it comes in RED.

Writing Aids

  1. A Moleskine Journal: People swear by these and I want to try one out for myself! I’d love to feel like a true romantic, journaling away in some quietly comfortable coffee shop. So far, I’ve kept a journal on my laptop, which has gotten to over 160 pages of personal writing. More than 60,000 words! I’m very proud, but it’s getting so that my laptop will start to chug when I open the document. Maybe it’s time to go analog?
  2. A Grammar Handbook: Having one of these close at hand to pore over would be wonderful. Often times, I bully my friends into beta-reading a post for me, and they catch all sorts of grammatical errors. Feeling a little ashamed of this, I think a style guide would really be right up my alley.
  3. Zebra Mechanical Pencils: These are my most favorite mechanical pencils. They write well, don’t feel cheap and are delightfully portable!
  4. A Set of Highlighters: I LOVE ANNOTATING MY LITERATURE. And I love making things pretty. Ergo, highlighters (the pen type, not the face type) are kinda my jam. It helps out a lot!

Kink Toys

  1. Kinklab Leather Wrist Cuffs: I’ve a taste for rope bondage, ergo my rope bondage post regarding Agreeable Agony. But for a long time now I’ve longed to complete a leather set and own some handcuffs for when I don’t want to go through being tied up.
  2. Tantus Dragon Tail: Having gotten a taste of the Gen, I’m ever so curious to try more Tantus impact toys. I’d love to feel the thwack of the tail against my ass and maybe (finally) bruise my steely ass. Also, the suede like feeling of the silicone is just beautiful. Ah Tantus. You know impact implements so well.
  3. Stockroom Bust Harness: The aesthetic of this harness is just gorgeous. One day, I hope to look just as hot as the girls modeling this gorgeous harness. Maybe somewhere in North Carolina there’s a bondage club I can go to where this would be appropriate. Or maybe I could just…wear it under my clothes?
  4. Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraints: Again, this is for the lazy, impatient submissive who DOES NOT want to wait to be restrained. I want to struggle against some restraints and I want to do it now! This would make it ever so convenient for my and my partner. Because all we have is rope, we most often go for the quick solution of him manually pinning my wrists while he fucks me, but this would be quick and hands free!
  5. Aussie Health Co Enema Kit: Once again, I must shyly confess to my fantasy of being filled up completely. I have a bit of a cum fetish, and I often fantasize about being pumped full of semen so that I swell and look a few months pregnant. While such a thing could be organized in reality, an enema can provide a quicker and cheaper way for me to be filled up. Bonus: it’d clean me out for anal. Maybe then I can lose my anal virginity!

Literature

  1. Female Ejaculation and The G Spot: I’ve wanted to squirt for a long time. I purchased the Pure Wand because I read it was the perfect instrument to cause such an explosive orgasm. Hopefully by absorbing the knowledge contained in these pages, I’ll be able to learn how to squirt!
  2. Playing Well With Others: It’s a BDSM book! Something I, a BDSM newbie would love to have. I’ve enjoyed my collar and playing in the shallow end, but I’m super curious of what’s beyond the sand bars. I’m saying I wanna try some kinkier stuff, and reading about it is the first way to get there!
  3. Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes: ANOTHER BDSM BOOK. My boyfriend and I are confirmed rope lovers, so learning more about our chosen restraint would be a fun, kink themed activity for us to do together. I wonder now if he would read aloud to me…
  4. A Hand in The Bush: This time, a book about fisting people with vulvas! I’ve recently gotten my own fist in, but I’d really like to learn how to do it more consistently and pleasurably! I think it would make for a great learning experience, and it might help me discover more about how to prepare more than just my vagina!

I know it’s a long list, dearest Santa. But I have been very, very good; though if you don’t bring anything at all, I’m still having a wonderful holiday.

Happy Holidays y’all! Here’s best wishes from mine to yours.

 

XenoCat Artifacts Monarch Review

Indie makers are absolutely fearless with their designs. And where would we be without them? Probably sans a lot of creatively designed and beautiful sex toys, adrift in a sea of boring realistic cookie-cutter toys that the big wigs believe consumers want. As if everyone who’s looking for sexual pleasure is the corporate ideal of a heterosexual cisgender woman who is frighteningly devoted to any and all shades of the colors pink and purple. Thank God then, that indie makers exist. And furthermore, thank God for XenoCat Artifacts. Yes, today I get to try something from this exquisite silicone sculptor (her DESIGNS ARE EXQUISITE, though Ere herself is also fucking cute). When XenoCat extended that generous offer to try one of their toys, you best believe that when I accepted I was grinning like an idiot trying to get my teeth photographed by the Hubble Space Telescope.

MONARCH PRODUCT PHOTO
The Monarch in the snow. JUST BEAUTIFUL.

I was offered the choice between the Monarch and the Argus and I weighed my options carefully. In the end though, the Monarch won because it looked more fun texture-wise and also I wouldn’t be thinking of eyes with this dildo. My Monarch is in the Medium size, at 6 inches insertable and 1.5 (ish) inches thick. It’s a modest size, somewhat of a break from the HUGE dildos that I’ve managed inside me (cough, the Frank’s Monster). At a squishy 00-50 shore density, the toy is among the softest ones that I own, yielding readily to a friendly squeeze. The colors, it must be said, are a gorgeous marbling of gold and blue. Gold and blue is perhaps one of my favorite color ways aside from a straight red toy, so it wins in the looks department.

Also, I must say that I am IN LOVE with that curly, bifurcated design. It’s so fucking playful! The Monarch, in spite of its regal name, doesn’t take itself too seriously and I can really get behind that. It’s playful without being cutesy or frilly and thus has my respect.

I approached this toy with some excitement; that curly head was extremely enticing and I admit it did not take long for me to stuff myself with the Monarch. And to my delight, this was exactly the right call. I really like the Monarch! The ribbing can look a little intimidating, especially to those new to texture, but please don’t be afraid. The Monarch, in its delightfully squishy density, takes care of you. The Monarch is a gentle lover, and the rippling texture doesn’t bruise your insides. It gently opens you and massages your insides, feeling a little bit like gentle fingering. I don’t thrust wildly with this toy like the way website says it ought to be use, I sort of jiggle the base of the Monarch and clench around it while I rub my clit. It feels amazing to clench around, the ribbing is prominent enough even in this squishy density that I can really enjoy it.

But with as gentle as this toy is, it can feel a little underwhelming if I use it after the first orgasm. After I’ve cum and I go for a second round, the Monarch doesn’t feel as good now that I’m warmed up and ready to go. The squishy density, so welcome to my vagina in what was the preliminary heat of masturbation, becomes kind of wimpy once I’m ready for the big leagues. There’s nothing wrong with the Monarch, in fact I requested a squishy density specifically, so there’s only myself to blame. Still, after that first orgasm, the Monarch gets set aside in favor of something bigger, firmer or both.

Cleaning this toy can be a bit of a hassle. This comes as no surprise given the texture! The swirly bi-furcated head traps body fluids easily, and so waiting to clean this is a no. Luckily this dildo doesn’t require tooth brush maintenance, I can work my thumb in the grooves to get out the fluids without too much elbow grease on my part.

The Monarch has been a delight to review. It’s sort of like an extroverted lightweight friend. They’re fun and great to have at parties, but they have to head home early because they’re kind of on the more delicate side. Still, the Monarch has been giving me stellar warm up orgasms and I’m THRILLED to add it to my toy box.

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks XenoCat!

Red Flags Among Roses: Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Before I met my current partner, I had been in a relationship with a boy in high school and stayed with until college. It was, like many romances were, full of highs and lows. There were elements of laughter. At times, I genuinely felt affection and love for the man I called my boyfriend. The reader, at this point in the introduction can hear a ‘but’ just right around the corner. They know that I am about to reveal that my relationship was not all roses. The reader, as they astutely determined from the predictable intro, is correct.

I wish I had known what was going on much earlier. I wish I had listened to myself when I knew something was wrong. I wish I’d gotten out sooner. To this day, my ex-partner still terrifies and enrages me. He left me with trauma that carried over into my current relationship. ‘I love you,’ spilled from my current partner’s lips one night as we basked in the afterglow. An accidental confession that should’ve been heartwarming instead made me ready to run. I turned my face away, trying to quiet the dread that worked its way through my veins. It is an awful thing that; that the very words ‘I love you’ had been tainted, colored nastily by the trauma of a relationship from before. While I now have a wonderful relationship, it took me a while to take back the phrase ‘I love you.’

I’m by no means an expert on what constitutes a toxic or abusive relationship. Abusers use a manifold of tactics to keep their victims in a relationship. But I can tell you what I noticed in my relationship and hopefully give you something to look for.

Lampshading bad behavior

My ex-partner was not interested in my daily life. When I talked about the things I cared about, my classes or anything at all, he seemed only dully interested at best. And so most of our conversations were dominated by his interests and feelings. He would go on long rants about the things that he cared about and the things that bothered him, and I would do my level best to be a good partner by asking questions and staying active in the conversation. Being at least marginally self aware, he would later notice that we only talked about things he cared about and fall into a guilty spiral, saying he was a bad person for never talking about topics that interested me, a behavior I now know is called ‘lampshading’. This put me on my back foot, and I was falling all over myself to justify why he was actually a good person despite the fact that he didn’t seem to care about my life in any meaningful capacity. He often pointed to his less than supportive behavior and constantly bemoaned the fact that he added nothing good to the relationship. While this demonstrated some self awareness, I know now that it was a tactic to get me to convince myself that it was a good relationship. In this way, he kept me trapped in the nightmare by forcing me to convince myself that I should stay. I was often forced into doing the emotional labor of pretending we were a good couple and coming up with reasons for us staying together.

Hostage holding behaviors

I want to preface this section by saying that I don’t believe mentally ill people are inherently abusive. But that the mere fact of mental illness does not preclude a person’s ability to abuse and manipulate others. The man who I used to call my partner was deeply mentally ill, and that in itself is not a knock against him. However, when he frankly told me that I was all that was keeping him alive and then he tried to break up with me, I couldn’t let it happen. Because previously he had told me he’d kill himself if I weren’t with him, I was now trapped. If I left, I felt like I would be responsible for his death. In a very nasty way, he used my protective nature against me. Claiming that I shouldn’t care what happened to him and breakup whenever I wanted always felt like a hammer blow against my heart because I felt like I wouldn’t live with myself if I did something that would kill him.

Pedestalizing

That man, my ex-partner, also kept me in the relationship by constantly putting me on a pedestal. I was the best, he told me. You’re the only thing that makes me enjoy life, he told me. I love you, he told me. Fed a double dose of validating compliments and his personal narrative of self loathing and suicidal tendencies, he set up a perfect carrot and stick system that kept me in the relationship for a long time. The drug-like compliments kept me complacent and the suicidal ideation made me feel like I had a purpose as well as frightened me with the possibility of being responsible for his suicide if I left. But as we continued in our relationship, I started feeling…claustrophobic. In my mind, if I didn’t keep being perfect, I would be responsible for him when he took his own life after he became disillusioned with me. So in order to keep being this perfect angel of light as he saw me, I stopped arguing with him. Any discomfort, fear or anxiety I felt was put on the backburner in order to preserve the illusion of a wonderful relationship. But I didn’t want to be an angel. I so deeply longed to feel like just an equal.

Dismissal of your own mental health

My ex was and is mentally ill. He was, at the very least, deeply depressed and likely his depression was co-morbid with other, nastier disorders. He hinted as much when he talked to me about going to a mental hospital. This, you might think, would make him uniquely sympathetic of my own depressive tendencies and would give him insight with regards how to comfort me when I went non-verbal or had suicidal ideations. But no. When I confessed that I wanted to die, he yelled at me and told me I would never be forgiven for feeling like that. So I shut up for a long time. When I hit another low point in our relationship and said I was considering suicide once again, he told me that it was likely I wasn’t serious in my desire. Otherwise, he said, you would go out into the woods and cut your own throat. It’s not exaggerating to say that at that point I stopped wanting to die and started wanting to get out and started planning to make my escape from the nightmare my relationship had become.

While this isn’t an exhaustive list of toxic behaviors, these were the most obvious signs that there was something wrong with my relationship. If you notice any parallels between what I’ve described here and with a relationship you’re in, I urge you to confide in someone who cares about you. You might be tempted to rationalize away your partner’s behavior, so frankly confessing it to a third party will make it easier to identify this kind of toxicity.

Listen, you are not a bad person or an idiot if you find yourself in a relationship where you are abused. People are clever and they are tricking you. Your only problem is that no one told you what abuse looked like or how to get out of a toxic relationship. My hope is that people reading this get an idea that abuse can happen without ever coming to blows. I want everyone out there to stay safe. And if they end up with someone as toxic as all this? That they know that their feelings are valid and that getting out is the right choice.

12 Tips For Winter Masturbation

Winter has finally come for us in America! Temperatures are dropping while our layers of clothing are increasing and we’re passing on our icy lemonades in favor of hot chocolates. The sweaty, exhibitionist days of summer are gone; now we must contend with the long, cold winter nights.

But just because it’s cold doesn’t mean we stop jerking off! FAR FROM IT. Although the cold seems daunting, here are some tips cultivated by yours truly so you can jack off without getting bothered by Jack Frost.

STAY WARM PHOTO
The Nocturnal bullet and the Maestro posed next to my piping hot tea and a scented candle.

  1. Pre-heat your sex toys: If you’re using body safe and waterproof toys, stick those suckers in a bowl of warm water. Some people might be in for a chilly thrill, but for those of us who shy away from frostier sensations, this’ll nix the ambient winter cold. I tell myself I’ve been boiling my dildos so much because I’m hygienic, but it’s also because stuffing myself with a warm dildo is infinitely better than a room temperature one. HOWEVER. If your toy is made from steel, test the warmth on the inside of your thigh before sticking it in your orifice. TRUST ME ON THIS.
  2. Have a good blanket handy: This one is pretty obvious. Jacking off in a blanket nest is something we all do from time to time, but it’s especially essential in the winter. Bonus points if you can score a heated blanket.
  3. Invest in some good socks: Whatever this looks like to you works. Maybe some sexy knit stockings or just comfortable fluffy socks. Cold feet kill my arousal, so having something on makes it easier for me to jerk off!
  4. Masturbate during/after your shower: In addition to pre-heating your sex toys, you can also pre-heat you! Have a hot bath or shower before getting right into it so you can hold on to that heat. Or alternatively, get yourself off in the shower or bath so you don’t have to leave the heavenly warm water at all.
  5. Hydrate with your favorite hot beverage: PAMPER YOURSELF. Have hot cocoa and leisurely masturbate to your favorite porn. Maybe spike it with some schnapps if that’s your thing! Roll out the red carpet for yourself and indulge in some gastronomic and carnal pleasure.
  6. Get physical: Think of it this way, jacking off after exercise during the winter is going to GUARANTEE that you’re warm. That exercise can really be anything, from going for a run to doing some isometric exercise in your living room. Your body heats up and your blood and endorphins are pumping so you’ll feel nice n’ warm! And then after? You reward yourself with an orgasm! BIG WINS ALL AROUND.
  7. Take your time with warming up: Listen, the cold kills my arousal. When I shake off my coat and clothes, most often I’m not going to want to jump to intensive stimulation right away like I would in the hot summer months. Instead, I read some erotica and slowly ease into masturbation like I would a deep stretch. And if I’m using Frank’s Monster, I’LL REALLY BE FEELING THAT STRETCH!
  8. Eat something beforehand: It doesn’t necessarily have to be warm, but the idea is the same as #5. Digestion can make you feel warmer as well as blood is redirected your GI system, and so you’ll feel it in your trunk. Because this is (relatively) close to the genital area, you should feel pretty warm! Also you won’t be hungry when you’re jacking off. Win-win!
  9. Use a strong external stimulator: If you can’t be pried from your pajama pants or long underwear, consider getting something like a wand vibrator to buzz one out! This works best for people with vulvas, but I imagine that it’s certainly possible for people with penises!
  10. Light some candles: Scented candles can cozy your atmosphere right up. In addition to just being nice smelling, the ambience can make you feel comfier!
  11. Don’t skimp on the lube: Yes the lube will probably be kinda chilly, but lube is one of those things that you’ll likely need if you’re doing anything with penetration. Though, I imagine that if you closed the cap on a container of Sliquid and then partially submerged it in warm water you might be able to warm it up. If anyone tries this, let me know how it goes!
  12. Use a plug: For people into anal and who are lazy, a butt plug works great! Pre-heat that sucker and slide one in for your masturbation session. Also, for people with vulvas, there are vaginal plugs out there! Pop one in, drape a blanket over yourself and having something like The Nocturnal buzz one out of your clit for a session with as little movement as possible.

The NoFrillDo X Review

The NoFrillDo project was born last year, approximately at the end of November if I’m reading the Indiegogo page correctly. The idea behind it? That body-safe pleasure didn’t have to have a high price tag. The NoFrillDo project came to fruition, cheered on by the sex positive community and gave birth to three designs: The R, The G, and The B. With Funkit’s simple but effective designs and affordable pricing, the world of sexual pleasure became more accessible to those among us who are ballin’ on a budget. So it can be no surprise that the world of the sex positive eagerly awaited the newest installment of the NoFrillDo project. This year, Funkit launched the continuation of the project, bringing in the NoFrillDos X and L, much thicker and longer toys than their comparatively modest siblings. The size captain in me was ecstatic when Kenton decided to send me the delightfully thick NoFrillDo X and I couldn’t wait to put it to the test!

So did this affordable silicone cutie live up to the hype? Did it rock my world and charm my cunt? Well…sort of. The NoFrillDo X is exactly what it seems to be. Kenton was serious about this being a no frills toy. The X doesn’t make an attempt at changing your sexual landscape. If you buy this hoping for revolutionary G-spot pleasure or for new sensations, you’ll find yourself disappointed. But for a budget conscious member of size royalty? This is a fantastic toy to get.

47384380_310571009785928_5560528879199715328_n
The chunky NoFrillDo X in its eye searing, magenta glory.

The NoFrillDo X is a meaty one. At 7 inches insertable and 1.9 inches in diameter cast in shore 20 silicone, this isn’t for someone who is in anyway uncertain about girth. My particular NoFrillDo came in Magenta. Now normally I would never pick this color myself, but it’s hard to hold it against the toy given the bright, cheeriness of the color. Its dimensions are similar to the Jammy, a similarly affordable dildo in a more realistic cast.

The base also deserves some discussion.  It’s slanted. Or rather, the base of the toy is still flat, but the base appears askew. It’s like this on all of the toys, so you can rest assured it’s not a defect, but I do wonder about the reasoning behind it. I’ll admit, the unevenness of the base does give me some concerns; there are some Funkit toys that also have some narrow flares that Kenton believes are best served by attaching to another toy to use as a handle. While I don’t think there should be any issue for anal play, I do recommend playing special attention because of the slanted base. Also for harness use, I don’t think this base would be ideal. But for vaginal use? POUND AWAY.

So what to say about the NoFrillDo X in use? Well, it generally feels like a thick, ribbed insertable object. There’s no forgiving squish with the X, it opens you right up. If I’m not peak aroused, then the ribs frankly aggravate my vagina, much in the way that I expected it would; a combination of firmness and ridge prominence makes for an uncomfortable sensation should I try to just stuff myself. It’s the vaginal equivalent of hitting potholes over and over again when driving down the highway, a jarring and uncomfortable experience.

But when I’m aroused? I take the rippling texture of the X just fine. The bumps make themselves known very pleasurably and are pretty stimulating whether I pound away quickly or take my time with long slow strokes. It feels FUCKING GOOD is what I’m saying.  There’s no G-spot curve, the toy seems to rely upon the ribbed texture and thickness to create a pleasing pressure, which while it works, it does make me a little wistful. Ah, to have a curve. Even a little one. I use the X for that full feeling that I can’t get from more slender dildos. The X is pretty simple and effective at filling me up and making itself known.

I also use the X after I’ve warmed up and as a warm up of its own. It’s a great warm up toy for the Jammy, The Lust Arts Frank’s Monster, and my own fist. Yes, using the X (in a round about way) allowed me to get warmed up enough that I could fit my whole hand inside my vagina! So while the X can’t exactly take credit for that, it does get an award for being a good assist.

In all, this dildo largely accomplishes what it sets out to do. It’s thick, it fills you up, and it won’t hurt your wallet too much in accomplishing this. For intermediate size royalty members and those of us who love them, this is a good toy to get without breaking the bank. For those looking for more refined dildos with a more ambitious goal than just being filled up? Save your pennies and look elsewhere.

Funkit Toys provided this toy to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Funkit Toys!

 

Super Size Me: Big Toys Under $40

I must confess, I am becoming a size queen. While I can still love and adore smaller toys, big toys make my eyes light with avarice. But inevitably, my enthusiasm is squashed once I see the price tag. A dejected whine escapes my throat as I consider the cost against my vaginal delight, and eventually I turn away from the toy, removing it from my cart with a sigh. And so I have been on a quest, looking for HUGE DILDOS for a modest price. And I tell you, I have succeeded! I personally own two of these and can vouch for their quality!

  1. The Blush Novelties Elvira: I won this toy from a giveaway and I ADORE this girthy little sweetheart. 2 inches thick at the thickest, and with a stubby 5.5 inches in length, this toy is amazing. At $24, this toy is a baby size queen’s best friend. Bonus, it also has a suction cup!
  2. The Blush Novelties Ruse Jammy: I bought this myself when I saw how GOD DAMN CHEAP it was! At $33, you get a massive toy for very little! I’m talking 2 inches thick with 7.5 inches insertable. This is a CHUNKY toy. For those of us who lusted after Vixen Creations Randy but couldn’t cough up the cash for it, this is for you. It’s got a damned good suction cup (trust me, I’ve tried it) and it has incredibly realistic detail if you’re into that kind of thing. If you really wanna follow in my footsteps, also pick up the Blush Exposed Nocturnal! It’s on sale at Peepshow now and it’s damned good.
  3. The Dorcel SO Phospho Glow: This toy looks like a silicone version of the NJoy Eleven. However, it’s $33, glows in the dark and is honestly a dream come true. With two ends, a thin end at 1.3″ and a thick end at 1.9″, this toy is versatile AND filling!
  4. The Blush Novelties Sumo: Another Blush toy?? Yes! This company is really coming through for size queens with small budgets. This toy is a soft, dual density silicone with a thick, semi realistic look to it. It’s a chunky 2 inches thick and 6.8 inches insertable. It comes in Indigo and Violet, has a suction cup, and the best part? With the Black Friday 2018 deals, you can get this sucker for $15!

Armed with this new knowledge, go forth and get you some girthy silicone to squeeze around! Your holes and your wallet will love you.

Backdoor Blessings: The Lust Arts Unicorn Horn Review

As I’ve mentioned previously on this blog, I am not an anal aficionado. More like an anal amateur than anything else. I BELONG IN THE ANAL MINOR LEAGUES, I’M NOT READY TO GO PRO. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always eager to try out things for my butt, but it’s not often that I find myself hankering for an anal only adventure. Well, that was until Lust Arts graced me once again with one of their toys. This month, Lust Arts sent me their Unicorn Horn for review and they’ve made for one of my first dildo reviews where I’ve only used the toy anally!

LUST ARTS UNICORN HORN PRODUCT PHOTO
The shimmery black Lust Arts Unicorn Horn looking suitably goth.

I’m not a girl who went crazy over unicorns. To be honest, I was one of the girls in middle school who constantly made dragon characters and some day, I’ll have a dragon dildo to reflect that. However, that doesn’t impede my love for the visuals of this toy. The Lust Arts Unicorn Horn is a gently spiraling toy, starting thin at the tip and widening as you continue down the shaft. Mine came in a solid shimmery black, which I think is fantastic. My aesthetic could roughly be defined as a mixture between: Varsity Jock, Punk, and Slut. And damn if this shimmery black unicorn horn doesn’t suit me exactly. At about 6.5″ long and 1.75″ at the thickest in the Moaner size, the Unicorn Horn isn’t exactly petite, but because the thickness is variable, I’d consider this to be somewhere between a beginner and intermediate dildo. Mine also came in the Medium firmness, or shore 10, which is quite flexible, but stiff enough to feel a little more dense.

That density is very important to me. Because floppy toys are notoriously hard to put in for anal play. But thankfully, the Unicorn Horn was very simple to ease into my backside. And oh when it did…the spiraling texture felt hypnotically pleasurable. As the girth increased and slowly opened up my ass, I felt soft moans tumble from my lips. The softness of the silicone made it a gentle, but pleasurable experience. Taking the Unicorn Horn in my behind made me realize that anal play isn’t always a session where you have to work hard to enjoy something in your ass. The Unicorn Horn must have some magic on it, because I used with ease and comfort that I haven’t with any other toy except perhaps the Pure Plug. I didn’t feel obligated to take it in my ass to review it properly; I want to feel the dildo slowly and orgasmically open me up. My butt was being blessed by Lust Art’s very thoughtful take on a Unicorn Horn dildo.

But the best session was when I used the Unicorn’s suction cup solo. I had stuck the Unicorn Horn to my headboard, dripped lube onto it and slowly backed my butt up onto the dildo. It took only the most minimal of finagling to get the Horn to go into my ass, after which I sighed in contentment. I rocked my hips back and forth, feeling the Horn stroke my ass gently but insistently. In my head, I pictured a gentle dominant easing the Horn in and out of my butt, whispering filthy words of encouragement as I took the toy deeper and deeper. When I came, I saw stars before my eyes. Then I gracelessly slumped to the bed, and the toy slipped out of my butt with the sound than canned cranberry sauce makes when you shake it wobbling from the can. I was a boneless heap of satisfaction, my face adorned with the idiot grin of all masturbators who have just achieved a massive orgasm.

I have little to compare the Horn to, save the Ripple I purchased in the summer of this year. The Ripple is a toy that makes me want to say it is formidable. Like anal beads and a dildo combined together, I had thought it would be the perfect anal toy. And it was fairly pleasurable. The beads were thought out, the silicone firm and the toy easy enough to maneuver. But it pales in comparison to the pleasure I’ve experienced with the Unicorn Horn. The Unicorn Horn allows for more minute gradations in girth and provides a gentle texture for anal interest, allowing for a more gradual opening up of the ass or other orifice. The slightly softer density is also more forgiving to anal amateurs. If you’re still in the minor leagues for anal play, I’d recommend the Unicorn Horn

Lust Arts, you make wonderful, fantastical toys. And this time, you’ve done it again with your Unicorn Horn. For people interested in snagging one of these beautiful toys themselves, considering using one of my affiliate links to get access to the Lust Arts 2018 Black Friday Sale! There’s going to be fun extras like a Charm Set and you’ll get the toys at a lower price if you use my affiliate codes! Use code ROCKET to get 15% off pre-made toys, UNIROCKET to get a free Black Friday Teaser Unicorn Horn with a purchase over $20 (if you’re in the first 25) and MINIROCKET to get a free set of Black Friday charms with any purchase over $20! 

Lust Arts sent me this toy for no charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Lust Arts!