August Wrap Up: Ballin’ on a Budget

Partnered Life

My partner is home and we’re back to our regular sexual program! We’ve been adoring having one another back in the bed together.

Another thing that we’re delighting in is our coffee drinking lives. The partner and I have inherited a frankly astonishing espresso machine that is making our caffeinated lives blissful.

My partner and I also went to DragonCon! We didn’t stay long, just passed through but it was a delightful experience. I got a few souvenirs in the form of T-shirts with a gothic vibe.

Health and Wellness

I’ve felt in better spirits this month thanks to the return of my partner. I’ve started sleeping more regularly and feel fit to continue my work writing! With my depression eased, expect to see more posts around here!

I plan on writing consistently, as well as getting to bed earlier.

Turn ons and Toys

This month  I’ve managed to procure some truly astonishing toys at bargain prices! I’ve worked my deals and used black magic to find the Vixen Johnny in Single Density, The Jopen Comet Key Wand, and the Magic Wand Rechargeable all at different price points but all significantly below their normal purchase price. The highest I paid was $79, and that was for the Magic Wand Rechargeable

I’m also making September the Month of Magic! I’ll be reviewing all my fantasy toys. They are:

Turn ons this month have tended towards the voyeuristic and the exhibitionist. Sometimes I fantasize about walking in on someone masturbating and watching them go at it while I rub one out secretly. But often I fantasize about someone catching me masturbating and finding the sight so incredibly arousing that they can’t help but jerk off.

bratphomet casual

I’ve also been fantasizing so much about my demon fantasy (that I’ve mentioned previously) that I’ve commissioned a character to act out that fantasy! You’ve seen her on my Twitter and I’m formally introducing her now on my blog. Her name is Bellephagor, and she’s a Baphomet. Standing at 5’0″, she’s short but imposing. She’s also the Head of the Torture Department in Hell. Rumor has it that she’s known to sexually torment a lucky few sinners~. This makes me want to write a post about sexual exploration through art and living vicariously through characters. Do you think this would be a good idea? Let me know in the comments!

Misc.

Going to attend Sex Down South. Commissioning art of my new character, Bellephagor. Reading a series of witchy thriller novels. Starting up my daily writing. Drinking an Americano in bed. Watering my pet basil plant, Jeffrey. Switching between the Zumio and the Magic Wand Rechargeable whenever I fancy it. Buying toys on r/usedsextoys. Buying cute enamel pins. Going to a business party with my partner’s coworkers. Drinking honey beer. Watching the Dark Crystal and the Netflix Series it spawned. Marathoning the Rocky Movies.

Melted! The Magma Silicone Dildo Review

The summer of 2017 was the first time I started really getting into the world of sex toys. I voraciously consumed articles from Epiphora, Dangerous Lilly and Artemisa FemmeCock. As I combed through old posts, the ones that were the most exciting and the most heart wrenching were the posts that featured discontinued products. I look back on those posts featuring lost brands like Ophoria and Fucking Sculptures with a sense of frustration. Such great toys that I will NEVER get to experience unless by the grace of some god out there I snagged one in a sale or in a swap. And so I had, for the longest time, assumed the Tantus Splash would be forever out of my reach as well…until now. A few months ago, Tantus relaunched the Splash in it’s new, re-vamped form as The Magma. Delighted beyond all reason, I asked SheVibe to review it and they agreed! Now all this dildo had to do was live up to the hype.

Just by looking at the Magma, I knew I was in for an intense experience of some kind. Not because of the dimensions necessarily though. At about seven inches long in total with six insertable inches, the Magma is not an ultra long toy, nor is it particularly girthy, clocking in at just 1.5 inches thick. But then, were this toy any bigger, it would easily be the most overwhelming toy in my collection currently. The ad copy for the Magma claims that the Magma is ‘super soft’ which most dildo veterans know to be a bit of an exaggeration when it comes to Tantus. The Magma is flexible and bendy, but I wouldn’t call it squishy or soft really. It doesn’t want to conform to the inner workings of my body in the way that an Uberrime or a LustArts toy does, but it doesn’t fight my contours too much. So while I won’t validate this toy as being ‘super soft’ I will say that it’s not as hard as their regular formula.

So how did the made over Splash fair in my vag? Well, this is the part of the review that I’ve been putting off writing, because well…it requires nuance. I really can’t rattle off an exuberant idiom proclaiming my love for this dildo but I also can’t say that I’ve fallen in love with it. It’s hard to say how I feel about the Magma. At times, it can be wildly and uncomfortably scrape-y on my insides. But at other times, it can be a pretty pleasurable ride. During the days where my cunt is so desensitized that I have to bust out the textured heavy hitters to get any kind of pleasurable sensation out of my leaden vagina, I’ll whip out the Magma. But most days, I found the Magma to be far too firm and far to scrape-y and scratchy in my vagina to really be an asset in masturbation. It was distracting, and sometimes uncomfortable to the point of pain if I wasn’t using very thick lube a la GCL or going very slowly. With a lot of warm up, I found the Magma to be more comfortable, but not really very pleasurable. So really, outside of the initial testing phase, this dildo hasn’t seen a lot of use.

My overwhelming sense of the Magma is of someone who encounters a much vaunted classic movie and then is wildly underwhelmed. Imagine if you went in to watch Titanic and came away feeling feeling mildly uncomfortable and confused as to why everyone was raving over it and you’ll get the scope of my feelings for this toy. Tantus, I’m afraid you’ve struck out again with me.

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

Uberrime Spiro Review

The Uberrime Spiro is an EXTREMELY charming dildo. I mean, how could I not ask to review it? With those bright colors and enticing G-spotty head, I couldn’t resist. The orange makes the Spiro look like a fuckable mimosa, which is probably my favorite cocktail to drink while lounging in a bubble bath. I just have to be careful with those, or else I end up spending a longer time in the bath than I originally planned. But back to the Spiro, I’m delighted to say that this is as visually delicious as it is vaginally!

The Spiro is a relatively average dimensioned dildo, with 6 and half inches of length and a maximum girth of 1.75 inches. It’s thick, but not overwhelmingly so. Rather, it provides a nice chunk of silicone for your hole to squeeze around. The density is firm, which can make initial insertion uncomfortable. I recommend a healthy amount of lube and a session of gentler warm up before using the Spiro.

The product description says that the Spiro is a G-spotting toy, and with that unusually shaped head, it’s pretty obvious why. As a G-spotter, the Spiro is a fine dildo, worthy of it’s comparison to a mimosa. Feeling that unique, flat yet bulbous head stroke my G-spot is a squirm-inducing affair and I’m quite the fan. But it also has another, more secret purpose: being an A-spotting tool for the more petite among us. Which, if you don’t know, I am one of the more petite among us. I clock in at about 5’2″ depending on which of my doctors you ask. So most toys that are used for A-spot pleasure are usually too long for me. But the Spiro has gotten me interested in this more hidden place of pleasure within my body. I can’t say for certain that I’ve experienced A-spot pleasure, but I’ve definitely felt some interesting sensations deeper in my vagina.

With regards to the rest of the Spiro,  The ridges are noticeable but gentle, not something that will appeal to the texture slutty among us. But it gives my vaginal walls enough sensation that I won’t write the Spiro’s ridges off. I personally like my texture understated when I’m in my more sensitive days, so the Spiro saw more use when I was on or close to menstruation. However, I have to be careful with the length, or else I risk jabbing my cervix on those days. It’s a tradeoff, but it’s one I’m happy to make.

The Spiro is like the perfect mimosa. It’s sweet but with just a little kick and it’ll get you exactly where you need to go. Uberrime, keep being an absolute GEM.

I received this product free of charge in exchange for an honest review. Thanks Uberrime! 

Get the Spiro here at SheVibe! 

 

Stuffed by Silicone: The Sensi Dildo Review

Sex bloggers want two things out of a sex toy: something well-designed that satisfies our libido, and something that doesn’t force us to give up being lazy. We see these conditions satisfied in inventions like the Stronic, a pulsator toy that thrusts itself and was lauded by many a blogger and in innovations like lube dispensers. Toys that are badly designed are rightly roasted, but perhaps more frustrating are the toys that require things to be just so for us to come. So when I heard of a new Uberrime dildo that promised almost effortless sensation, my heart fluttered. Could it be true? Pleasure for almost NO EFFORT? SIGN ME UP! Folx, please spread your legs and clap your hands for the latest in dildo technology: The Sensi.

By most accounts, the Sensi is a fairly petite dildo. At just 4.5 inches long and 1.6 inches at the thickest and incredibly squishy, the Sensi is safe size-wise for most vaginas. The shape is a little unusual, a little reminiscent of a traditional butt plug due to the thinner neck. But the Sensi differs from its butt-plugging cousins as it features an unusual base meant to not chafe the labia which is greatly appreciated. This peculiar base makes the Sensi work perfectly for vaginal plugging, but not at all for anal plugging. While I kind of wish for a multi-use plug, I’m honestly not upset. Butt plugs are ubiquitous, vag only plugs are rare and exciting.

SENSI PRODUCT PHOTO
The Sensi as featured on Uberrime’s website. What a drool-worthy trio!

Having never had the chance to try a vaginal plug before, I was beyond excited. The only other plug I knew of was the Jollet, a toy beautiful, but purportedly quite hard and unforgiving in the orifices. So when the Sensi promised a softer experience, I felt giddy with delight. Squishing the silicone between my fingers, I knew I’d be in for it. Already visions were dancing through my head of how I would use my new prize. Most prominent in my mind was a kink scene featuring the plug in me all day long. I fantasized about how I would fare going about my daily errands while squeezing around the Sensi’s plush silicone, eliciting little shivers of pleasure I went plugged to the library.

As I slid the Sensi in, it locked in place as though it were a missing puzzle piece from my vagina. It had all the mental satisfaction of fitting a corner piece into it’s spot with all the sexual pleasure of a well-shaped dildo. Visiting a library while covertly squeezing around plush silicone felt FUCKING EXCELLENT. The Sensi presses against my G-spot, and stays in even during vigorous exercise all the while being comfortable to wear due to the softness. The base nestled between my labia agreeably, with the soft oval shape almost forgotten as I went about my day. The smallness of the base is also excellent, because it doesn’t block access to my clit and the sheer laziness of popping the Sensi in and holding the Exposed Nocturnal against my clit makes me grin every time. I feel almost smug with that level of ease. Were I more inclined to feel shame, I might feel a little embarrassed about how quick and easily I came with the Sensi. But I’m not inclined to feel shame; I fucking love how lazy and decadent the Sensi makes me feel.

As a kegel exerciser, I found the Sensi to be fairly good in this purpose, with more G-spot sensation coming as a reward for every squeeze. Idly squeezing the dildo as I read has become a favorite past time of mine and has helped me in the writing of more tedious pieces. And through some parts of this review, I’ve found myself slipping in the Sensi, ostensibly for more research but mostly because it felt amazing.

I’ve had only one bad experience with the Sensi. Feeling extra ambitious one day, I used it in conjunction with the Medium NJoy Pure Plug and that was a mistake. My orifices felt crammed too full and so I had to pull the Pure Plug out to avoid feeling like my butt and vag were being torturously pried open. I imagine though that I might eventually be able to do a pair of plugs if I slowly worked my way up to that, which I might someday do, if only to be one of the first to have both orifices plugged pleasurably.

Marco has created a toy for kinksters and lazy people alike, which is kind of amazing if you think about it with how much work kink usually involves. The Sensi deserves to be the next biggest thing; a dildo that not only do you not have to thrust to enjoy, but one that you can wear to work with everyone unknowing AND it has a comfortable base for long-term wear. At $39, this is a STEAL for an item that I frankly haven’t seen any other company attempt since Jollet, who’s products don’t lend themselves well to long-term wear. My toybox is being slowly overtaken by Uberrime, but the Sensi shines among my toys as something truly special.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime and SheVibe!


April Wrap Up: Moving, Malaise and Morning Pages

Partnered Life

My partner and I have been in a trying time what with his graduation and us moving in together! With all these moving parts, we’ve been working to remain intimate, but we’re looking forward to the relief we’ll feel once we finally get unpacked! Right now, there’s currently a metric ass ton of boxes in our place. So most of this week we’ll be sorting through our stuff and trying to make our place more of a home.

In addition to this nonsense,  my boyfriend and I plan on christening the apartment by having sex as soon as we canI am delighted to finally have a new space and I will be moving into a safer neighborhood.

Also, I’ve learned the unfortunate reality of couples: if one of us gets sick, we both do. The night after my boyfriend’s last day of classes he got sick and I took care of him the next day. But then I ended up contracting the same sickness. I had a fever for a few days while we were moving and I felt just like a rotisserie chicken as we moved. Luckily I’m starting to recover and having some down time has let me get back to posting on this blog! I’m hoping to write twice weekly again as things calm down and we settle into a routine.

Health and Wellness

With both my boyfriend and I both sick, this section is again a little light. We both remembered the power of the power up potion: a tea made with lemon, ginger and honey and drank scalding hot. It’s our go to for sick days and it’s healthier than Gatorade.

In terms of mental health though, I’ve found doing my morning pages works wonders for my brain! Spilling out onto the page in the morning puts me in touch with my thoughts and feelings in a very tangible way. It also helps me recognize my goals. In fact, journaling is what made want to start my very own sex blog, so getting back into it is refreshing.

Also, I’ve been taking more time to sit and read books, which has proved to be very relaxing and helps me get to sleep. I’ve just finished Bird by Bird and The Artist’s Way and I’m on to reading How to Write a Novel in 30 Days as well as A Billion Wicked Thoughts and the novel Supermarket. And I finished listening to the first book in the Game of Thrones series, so I think I’m making a great deal of progress on my reading list!

Turn ons and Toys

I’ve been in LOVE with Uberrime’s Uberron. I’ve got both the A and the B for when I want a stretch (which is often). I’ve also been reading more porn than watching it, which is a refreshing change for me. I’ve found dommy scenes to be extremely hot, especially with spanking and fingering scenes. I want my boyfriend to bend me over his lap and go to town on my fat ass now. Maybe I could convince him to finger my ass too…

I’ve also been DREAMING about the Doxy I got from my pal SugarCunt! I’ve been looking for a powerful wand to bully my clit and I’m finally getting a Doxy! I’ve talked about wanting one before, but it’s only recently that I finally nerved up and got one! As soon as I get one in hand, I have no doubt it’ll be used for forced orgasm scenes, reviews and much more. I’ve got a backlog of dildo reviews, so having this sucker will be instrumental in my playtime as clit stim.

Also, I’ve been thinking about writing Avenger’s fanfiction ever since I went to see Endgame. Specifically, I want all of the male cast to get topped by the female cast. I’m a sucker for femdom and for guys getting the strap, so you may see some of that on my blog!

Miscellaneous 

Having a regular order at my favorite pizza place. Checking out books from the library and finishing them. Taking the window seat by the café and doing my morning pages. Petting my foster kitty. Discovering new cafés to eat at. Taking care of my sick partner. Watching kaiju films naked with my boyfriend in our new apartment. Making coffee. Telling my boyfriend about my kinks. Writing in a Moleskine journal. Bathing in my new tub. Talking to friends. Writing bad poetry.

The Gooshi Dildo and Gooshi Titan Review

I love working with indie manufacturers of sex toys. They’re always bringing something new and exciting to the table; whether it be the chunky, cheerful semi-realism of Uberrime or the stunning colors of Strange Bed Fellas or the intricate detail of Lust Arts, indie makers are constantly bringing new shapes and colors to the sex toy industry. For this reason, I reached out to a relatively unknown dildo maker on Etsy: Gooshi Dildos. I gushed to him about his homemade dildos, asking if I might review them. To my delight, he agreed! Matt sent me the Gooshi proper and the Gooshi Titan in exchange for my fair review.

49933930_2088922524557935_6534789626451899066_n(1)
The Titan pictured left and the Gooshi Proper pictured right.

The Gooshi proper and the The Gooshi Titan are sort of abstract in style. The Gooshi is a plain, curved affair with three prominent ridges for internal stimulation, while the Titan is an undulating piece of varied thickness. The measurements for the Gooshi are well within the average dildo size, clocking in at just under 7 inches in usable length and is about 1.5 inches thick according to the webpage. The Titan, as its name suggests is somewhat more formidable in girth. Like its sibling, it is also about 7 inches long, but it sports an impressive maximum girth of 2.2 inches. That was what really excited me, the girth queen. Eager to get these boys into my vagina, I lubed them up, turned on some pornography and…was a little disappointed over all.

Neither Gooshi has worked well for my body. Those ridges on the Gooshi proper, which looked so promising in the product photos and squished so delightfully in my hand were quite painful upon insertion. Upon entering into my vagina, I winced and groaned from the surprising pain. There was a sharp discomfort upon insertion and removal, not unlike the discomfort I felt with the Element #2. Except there were three ridges this time, so it made for x3 discomfort. Even paired with a strong clitoral vibe, I still couldn’t find a lot of pleasure because of how the ridges felt during thrusting. Frustrated, I switched to another dildo and finally brought myself to orgasm after an hour of frustration.

The Gooshi Titan was less uncomfortable than its smaller sibling, but still somewhat lackluster. Something about the swell didn’t agree with my body, and it became something of a task to force the dildo inside. I’ve taken 2 inch thick dildos before without any trouble, so my difficulty with the Titan was a bit mystifying. The feeling of the head was pleasant, but the design of the swell just didn’t gel with me. I wish I had more to say, but I’m afraid that’s all I can offer.

While these two dildos have disappointed me, I still have hope for Gooshi as a whole. This is a one man operation, so I imagine feedback is important and will allow Gooshi to grow and craft better, more pleasurable toys. With the debut of Gooshi’s Infinity Dick and Pony dildo, which I note lack sharp ridges or awkward swells, I think Matt of Gooshi dildos is learning his trade and creating more beautiful toys. But if you’re thinking of the Gooshi or the Titan, I urge you to think again.

Fuze Major Review

In the course of my reviewing career, I have reviewed fantastical mermaids, zombie penises, dildos that look like nothing in particular and dildos that more resemble abstract art than the human phallus. Put simply, I haven’t seen a realistic dildo since starting reviewing, and until recently owned exactly one dildo that could claim to be realistic.  But ever since SheVibe took me on their reviewer program, I’ve had the chance to expand my sexual horizons by asking for…a dildo that looks like a penis, aka the Fuze Major. Listen, this is BRAIN-BREAKINGLY funny to me. Having more experience with silicone unicorn horns than penises? OF COURSE THIS WOULD BE MY LIFE.

Anyway, in attempting to broaden my horizons so to speak, I asked SheVibe to send me the Fuze Major, an uncut suction cup dildo. It’s a petite thing compared to the monster dildos that comprise my usual fare, but for most people it would probably fall in the average range. At 6 1/4 inches in length and around 1.5 inches in thickness, the Major has dimensions that would most likely be found on a cis man. The Fuze Major also fairly emulates what an uncut cis man might look like, which for some will be a serious draw and for others a major turn off. For my own tastes, I love the foreskin on this toy which is why I asked for it. Uncut toys are something of a rarity and having the chance to own one was something I jumped on!

FUZE MAJOR PRODUCT PHOTO
The Fuze posed outside in the warm afternoon sun.

Using this toy however, required adjusting my expectations. I’ve been wooed by the soft and squishy dual density toys of late, so I was a little surprised when I gave the Major a squeeze and it didn’t squish. Like the Hollywood vision of military personnel, the Major is firm and fairly inflexible, but its average size makes it so that it can be used after just a little fingering. Sliding it in, I couldn’t feel the foreskin as much as I could the veiny texture of the shaft. That was a little disappointing as I was hoping to really feel it! But the shape of the head was bulbous and pronounced enough that I could feel it on my G-spot. It excelled as both a static and thrusting dildo, and I really enjoyed clenching around it as I gorged my eyes on porn and put the Exposed Nocturnal on my clit. I find myself reaching for it when I want to fantasize about fucking someone uncut, though it hasn’t exactly revolutionized anything in terms of shape or squish. The aesthetics of the Major are really attractive to me

Also, the suction cup is nothing to sneeze at. Once I stuck it to my headboard, it hung out there for the whole day. To go to sleep, I had to yank it off the headboard because it otherwise WOULD NOT FALL OFF. Kudos Fuze, this is a powerful suction cup!

The moment I really want to talk about though, was the time I used it in my harness. As I slid the Major through the O-ring, I marveled at how attractive it looked on me. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t stop staring at the perky Major bobbing from my pelvis. I lubed up and jacked off my artificial erection, hypnotized by the babe in the mirror who was stroking her cock along with me. I felt an erotic flush slowly creep over my body as I watched my self in the mirror. And when I slipped in the Exposed Nocturnal to vibrate my clit while I jerked off? It was confusing, erotic and thrilling all at the same time and I found myself quickly working towards orgasm. I’ve sometimes had fantasies of having my own dick and the Major is what I imagine it would look like if I grew one rather than used a store bought one. Since that episode I’ve been fantasizing non-stop about hot strap-on sex with more than just the Major; visions of fucking someone with the Splendid, Frank’s Monster and the Vamp dance through my head…mmm thanks Major, you’ve opened my eyes.

This is a dildo for people who like average sized dildos that are fairly firm and offer a nice amount of G-spot stimulation. This dildo is also for people who prefer more realistic style dildos and have been aching for some intact representation! This is a fantasy dildo not in the sense that it belongs on a fantasy creature, but that it fulfills the fantasy of fucking or bearing an uncut member. For someone who fantasizes about either, the Major is a dildo worthy of consideration.

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

 

Teal Treasures: The Tantus Chubby

Tantus products so far have been kind of a sore spot for me. The much vaunted (and most reasonably priced) Vamp didn’t work for my body, with the sulcus catching on something internal causing a pinching sensation. The nipple clamps were so painful that I couldn’t try them for more than a few seconds (OH BOO HOO, I KNOW). But the Tantus Chubby has redeemed the Tantus name…at least in my eyes. Controversially named the They/Them at first and undergoing some slight re-design, the Chubby originally caught my eye because of that dreamy peacock color. But it held my attention after one memorable session.

The Chubby, as its name implies, is a stout dildo that boasts 4.7″ worth of insertable length, making it shorter than average. But at 1.75″ of girth, it’s a chunky fella and probably requires a bit of warm up for newer players, especially in such a firm density.

Now, I understand that the Chubby is purported to be in Tantus’ Super Soft Density. However, the Chubby doesn’t have any real squish to it, so don’t purchase it thinking that it’s going to squish like a dual density dildo.

The Chubby cannot be used as a warm up dildo unless you know you’re perfectly good with thick, firm penetration right off the bat. I myself am not, so when using the Chubby before any other toy or without warmup, I would feel an intense to the point of painful stretch at my vaginal opening. It in fact felt like my vagina was being pried open and gagged, which is PRETTY UNCOMFORTABLE. However, after warming myself up a little more with fingers and smaller dildos, I found it a lot easier to take. The Tantus Chubby excels when I use it midway through my typical masturbation session, when my vagina has opened up more and is ready for something more intense.

The shape of the dildo is fairly straight and it has minimal texture, making the Chubby unsuitable for people who need a curve to enjoy intense G-spot, prostate, or vaginal wall stimulation. The Tantus Chubby is there to fill up your chosen orifice and exert some pressure on it without bashing into your cervix or going too deeply in your ass. Because I enjoy girth and haven’t fully come to appreciate INTENSE G spot stimulation, I find the Chubby to be delightful when I can fit it in me. What can I say? I’M A GIRTH QUEEN.

TANTUS THEY THEM PRODUCT PHOTO
The Tantus Chubby posed like an Easter Egg in the grass.

The Tantus Chubby also prompted me to introduce a new technique into my  masturbatory repertoire: fully insert the Chubby and get some delicious pleasure/pain sensations when it gently rubs against my cervix. I’m not usually a fan of cervical pressure, so this was pretty surprising! Kudos to you Tantus, for getting me into something new and different. During the one memorable session I mentioned earlier, I suddenly had an idea. I stuffed myself fully with the Chubby and then, rather than thrusting conventionally, I  slapped the base of it strongly, prompting intense jolts of pleasure. This particular technique also had the benefit of prompting me to fantasize about hot dominants slapping my pussy and teasing me for getting off on such a thing. In all, it made for a deliciously hot session.

The Tantus Chubby is a solid dildo for those among us looking for something thick but not long. Its firm, a charming color and perfectly body safe. This is the perfect toy for when you want to fully sit on something thick without threatening your cervix which for me? Is all the time.

 This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

 

The Elements 4 & 5 Review

It seems I’m not the master of the Elements as I thought I was! Two new ones have arrived. Meet the Elements 4 & 5, two new members of Uberrime’s affordable Elements line. Earlier this year I reviewed the first three in the line, and so when I was offered a chance to review the two new comers, I could not say yes fast enough. The 3 was undeniably my favorite of the previous batch and so I was eager to see if the 4 or the 5 would match the greatness of their older siblings.

Well damn did they ever. The 4 is probably the shining star among the Elements. Its companion, the 5 didn’t rock my world QUITE as much, but made me understand ripples can in fact feel good. The 4? Well, the 4 is probably one of the most meticulously designed, anatomy focused and well thought out dildos I have ever had the delight of trying. Hats off to you Marco, you’ve created something truly delightful that I cannot recommend enough.

IMG_6645
The Element 5 resting in the grass after a rain.

The 5 is a petite, ripply dildo with an interestingly shaped head. When I slide it in my vagina, the ripply texture doesn’t feel abrasive, but doesn’t provide much in the way of stimulation for me. It adds interest to thrusting, but most of my love of it comes from that unusually shaped head. The 5 is neither too long nor too girthy and does well to warm me up for larger toys.  Were the 5 cast in a firmer silicone, it’s likely I’d experience some discomfort from the ripples. But no, Marco has apparently thought of everything and made the silicone pleasingly pliant. The base of 5 is nice and wide and makes it suitable for anal play and the slight curve helps it to press against my G spot. And that head! I am crazy about that head. The 5’s head is one that targets my G spot without being severely pinpoint. In all? A fairly lovely toy for someone who’d like to dip their toes into texture without dropping a fat load of cash on something like The Mermaid or The Echo.

Now, the 4 is deceptive. The design is slightly oceanic with its smoothness, seeming bland compared to its rippled sibling. The 4 might look to be a tame toy because it doesn’t rock any crazy texture and has fairly petite dimensions. But see, that’s where you’d be INCORRECT. The 4, according to Uberrime’s website, is meant to mimic the feeling of two fingers curved ever so slightly, though the shape of the toy is delightfully non-realistic. And let me tell you, the toy delivers on that promise. My testing notes remark that it feels damned close to the pads of two fingers pressing against my G spot. It’s one of the more intensely pleasurable sensations I’ve had grace my vagina. Many designs, such as the Ella and the Gigi and many of the Pico Bong toys have pioneered a flat head. I’ve not tried these toys, so while I imagine that they’re quite pleasurable, but are vastly more expensive.

IMG_6643
The Element 4 cradled by the rocks near the stream

However, there’s more to the 4 than just G spotty goodness. The design also does something I’ve never experienced: it works as a vaginal plug. Held static in my vagina, I can feel it press against my G spot and give me a feeling of EXCELLENT fullness at my vaginal opening. This ingenious bit of design is what makes it my go to for quickies and sessions when I’m not up for thrusting hard and fast. I have enough dildos for pistoning my pussy; the 4 is a relief for my wrist, even as strong as it is. While it’s not going to lock into the vagina like kegel balls will, it will stay in place remarkably well for most masturbation positions. In fact, it’s how I learned I have crushing vaginal strength. I was able to hold the 4 inside of me for a brief time while standing. I FELT GLOWINGLY PROUD OF MY CUNT. Honestly it would be fun to use as a vaginal test your strength toy and have my visitors clock the time that they can hold it in.

Uberrime is an up and coming company that makes smart, anatomy focused designs and prices them affordably. I love the 4 dearly and I want it in my vagina even as I write this. The 5 provides an excellent warm up for more textured dildos, such as the Mermaid. For lazy masturbators and texture lovers alike, these are excellent toys and I’m pleased to include them in my starting line up.

Uberrime sent me these toys free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thank you Uberrime!

 

Lumberjill Cinder Review

The world of wood dildos is pretty small and also fairly expensive. One of the models held in critical acclaim will run you approximately $145 on an average day without sales. It was for this reason that I had resigned myself to a wood-less existence. Well, that was until RGN Toys put out the call for reviewers to put a new, affordable wood dildo model to the test. Never one to turn down a new masturbation experience, I gamely put myself forward and was accepted! Mere days later, I welcomed into my house and my vagina the adorable Cinder dildo.

cinder product photo
The Cinder looking charming

The Cinder is a petite dildo, or is at least considering my vagina’s proclivities. At six inches long and 1.5 inches thick at the girthiest, the Cinder sits comfortably at the average end of the dildo spectrum. When I showed my boyfriend and friends the new toy I got, the most common remark was how much it looked like a bowling pin. I confess, it kind of does and it makes me giggle. While it’s not exactly a discreet toy, you have to wonder if anyone would think more than an unusually shaped paperweight. Sitting on a coffee table next to a book, someone might think it merely a piece of decorative sculpture. Honestly, the Cinder is giving me ideas for incorporating stealthy pieces of erotica into my home décor!

With the Cinder being so petite, it’s no surprise that my size captain vagina wasn’t floored. What I didn’t expect was that my vagina would be able to swallow the Cinder whole…yeah, constrictor snake style. When I stood up and realized that the dildo didn’t fall out of me though, that was when the fun really started. Cue Liz strutting around her apartment, gripping the Cinder like a vice. Apart from the size though, I found the shape of the Cinder to be delightful though. The firm, insistent pressure on my G spot from the knobbed end of the Cinder felt lovely in conjunction with a strong clitoral vibrator. The tapered torpedo like end was considerably less pleasurable, so I recommend using that bit as a handle to pound yourself with. Hell, the knobbed end was so good that I lost myself in a masturbation frenzy one evening.

However, this was to the detriment of my sheets, as I had forgotten two things: 1) that I was menstruating and 2) that I hadn’t put down a towel. When I spotted my ruined bedding, my vagina ejected the Cinder in fear and more blood oozed out of me. Blood was fucking everywhere, running down my legs and splodged all over the bedspread. I was struggling not to scream and cuss as I hustled my bare ass to the laundry room with my soiled duvet in arms. And thus, the Cinder burned me, for I flew too close to the sun that is masturbating on your period.

Blood bath aside, the Cinder has been an exciting experience. Wood does feel different than the silicone and steel and glass that I’ve tried in that it is both light and firm, but it doesn’t necessarily feel warmer as Lumberjill claims. It’s about the same temperature as silicone, which is room temperature. Compared to steel though, I suppose this claim has some credit, because my Pure Wand is always FRIGID.

Cleaning the toy was also interesting, as there are no sanitising instructions on my care and cleaning manual. According to Richard Carver, the man behind the art of Lumberjill, there currently isn’t a way to sanitise the toy. However, the toy is still non-porous due to the finish. When I asked what should be done if the finish were to be damaged, Richard told me that contacting him on Etsy would work so that the toy could be shipped to him for repair, repaired at home per his instructions, or replacing the toy depending on the damage. This kind of comprehensive care for dildos, especially ones so affordable is kind of mind boggling.

Final thoughts? The Cinder is an amazingly affordable (just $30 at RGN!!) wood dildo that feels good, even though it is somewhat underwhelming in the size department. I highly recommend this for people who would like to experience luxury on a budget and who know that they enjoy: 1) firm pressure on internal erogenous zones and 2) prefer smaller toys. Also you can rest easy knowing that should your toy become damaged that Lumberjill will look after you!

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks RGN Toys!