XenoCat Artifacts Barghest Review

A while back (in terms of Twitter), I wanted to try reviewing toys with knots. I’d seen them a lot on social media and lusted over them on Etsy. And so when XenoCat offered me the chance to try their take on a canine cock, well, you could say I was fit to be tied. Lame puns aside, I was ecstatic to try the Barghest, having tried the Monarch and just adored that ripply texture. It’s actually one of the go-to dildos I suggest for people interested in trying out fantasy toys because of its friendly design. But back to the point, as soon as this pretty pastel penis hit my doorstep, I fucked myself with it. And then…I took forever to review it. Both the Barghest and the dongmongers behind it deserve better, so I’m going attempt to rectify my long silence here in this review by telling you just HOW GOOD this supernatural schlong is.

The first thing to assure yourself of is that the Medium Barghest is not HUGE. To be specific, it’s about 5.75″ long and maybe 2″ thick at the widest part of the knot. It’s certainly packing a bit more in dimensions than say, the Deelit, but the Barghest is not exactly built to terrify. In fact, when I picture what this dildo might be attached to, I picture a gentle werewolf lover, welcoming me into her protective arms and filling me up just right with her canid cock. I admit, I’ve always had a weakness for strong werewolves and this was just the dildo for my fantasies.

At the start of my masturbation session with the Barghest, I only used the top of the shaft. And it was perfectly seductive. It slipped in and out of my cunt with silken ease and was curved just enough to graze my G-spot in a tantalizing manner. The knot was still outside of me, teasing my entrance and I shivered to think what it might feel like. In my fantasies, my lady werewolf lover teases me with the knot, asking me if I’m ready to take it. As my vag gradually warms up and becomes more relaxed, I find myself getting excited at the prospect of getting that drool-worthy knot in me.

When I found myself close to climaxing, I stuffed myself with the Barghest’s knot and boy howdy. I may not love every knotted cock out there, but I’ve fallen ass over teakettle for the Barghest. The knot feels like it occupies every square inch of my vagina; it stimulates my vagina just by being so filling that it can’t NOT hit my G-spot. Between the golden sensation of fullness and the G-spot satisfaction, the Barghest made me one happy customer.

Clearly, the people at XenoCat know their trade very well. Not only are the dildos they’ve crafted beautiful, but they’re pleasurable as all get out too. I can’t thank them enough for their patience and their brilliant design work. As for who should consider the Barghest as their newest playmate? This toy is great for intermediate players and for those looking to try a knot without wanting to struggle too much. So if you’re someone who’s felt the call of fantasy dildos, I highly recommend the Barghest.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks XenoCat Artifacts!

 

Strange BedFellas Deelit Review

The internet seems to have stereotype when it comes to fantasy toys. Or a few stereotypes anyway. The first being that all fantasy toys have to be both ridiculously long and orifice-bustingly thick to be worth the money. The second is that only furries could possibly want a toy that dares to be something more than the standard human model or an abstract shape for pleasure. The Deelit from Strange BedFellas is a diminutive dong with a daring personality. The Deelit says to the world that realm of fantasy cannot and should not be limited to the size queens. The Deelit says to all of us with pansy poopers and wussy pussies that we’re welcome into the fantasy fold.

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The BEAUTIFUL Deelit

The Deelit’s design looks like the product of the marriage of an ice cream cone and alien. And boy is this result ever handsome, with a swirling design and beautiful, icy coloration that put a twinkle in any monsterfucker’s eye. At 4.75″ in length and just 1.6″ in girth at the thickest, the Deelit doesn’t break any records for size. However, that size also means that it’s perfect for users with vaginismus, as well as users who are anal beginners. However, since I’m all vagina all the time, and the design so beautiful, it was only moments until I stuffed into my vagina.

I melted at the first thrust of the Deelit, savoring the gentle rippling texture as I pushed it to the hilt inside of me. Once the insertion was over, I immediately started the removal, wanting to feel those GLORIOUS ripples again. When moving, the Deelit is a gentle but noticeable partner. For the first half of my masturbation session, I can fuck myself silly with the Deelit in my vag and the Zumio on my clit.

Inevitably though, once my vagina opens up I started craving more sensation. And if the Deelit was stationary? No dice. Inevitably, I swapped the Deelit out for a larger toy, but I can’t deny that it made my warmup and first orgasms phenomenal.

If I were to class this dildo, I would definitely say it was a dildo for fantasy lovers with vaginismus or otherwise unused to penetration. For people looking for a rougher ride, Id look to another friend from Strange BedFellas, though I truly believe that this is a worthy addition to any toybox!

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Strange BedFellas!

Neo Elite Dildo 7″ Review

Who here relishes the idea of sex toys? Great, I was hoping you would considering the fact that you’ve made it to my site. Now who also has had two tightly intertwined problems: 1) You need a soft, body safe sex toy but 2) You’re short on cash so you can’t shell out for Vixen. Yeah, I know, isn’t this all of us? Dual density has long been the realm of the luxury dildos. Vixen is perhaps the most widely known of all the companies to make dual density, though for many a casual masturbator, the $100+ price tag puts them off trying. For a long time, this was me, the casual masturbator too afraid to shell out for luxury but not wanting any porous crap in my body. My first dildo was a rock hard Lovehoney dildo that hurt every time I tried to insert it. So I was put off of silicone dildos for a while until I got used to penetration. But maybe…maybe if I’d had a dual density dildo I wouldn’t have been put off by silicone for that time. And I think that maybe if the Neo Elite 7.5 Inch Dual Density Realistic Silicone Dildo With Balls (here on referred to the Neo Elite) had been my first dildo, I would’ve had a happier experience over all.

The first thing that jumps to mind when looking at The Neo Elite is the cheery orange color. I admit it, I’m a sucker for non-normative sex toy colors so that sort of influenced me when I asked for SheVibe to let me review this toy. But I was also stunned by the price! Usually, a dual density dildo will run you AT LEAST 50 dollars. But the Neo Elite slides in at under $32, which is a fucking steal. Honestly, I’m not sure what kind of dildo wizardry Blush has pulled, but when I saw the price tag and the words ‘dual density’ I knew I needed to try it, to see if it might be worth recommending as a beginner dildo.

Aside from the bright orange color, the Neo Elite is kind of a tame looking dildo. It looks like a nicely rendered human penis without falling into the sex toy uncanny valley but that’s about it. The 7.5 version does sport balls for some unfathomable reason; they’re like little silicone ornaments. And the dimensions aren’t that crazy, clocking in at 1.5″ in girth and 5.5″ in insertable length. If this were a single density dildo, it really wouldn’t be worth the time.

But GOD that dual density makes the fucking difference. When I’m ultra sensitive or sore but I still want penetration, this is a good dildo. I lube up with a little Good Clean Love and I can gently work myself open with the Neo Elite. The Neo Elite doesn’t argue with my body or force it open, it gently persuades me that I want my vag to be filled. The dual density is cushy enough to soften the initial entry and lets me fill myself with squishy comfort. While I don’t often use it as a finisher, it’s great for starting off masturbation. And it was a pretty good tool to get me used to penetration again when my boyfriend got home. Earlier this year, I hadn’t been using dildos for a month, so when my boyfriend got home penetration was uncomfortable. Thank God for the Neo Elite, I was able to not only feel comfortable being penetrated, but it started on finding pleasure in it after having neglecting my dildos for a month.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I could go back in time, I would take away that hard as a rock Lovehoney dildo and gift the Neo Elite to me two years ago. She would have adored it and it would’ve made prevented me from getting scared off by dildos for a while. This is a toy I recommend to people wanting to try penetration with something approximately the size of a human but want something gentler to start off with. I also recommend it to people who want to see if softer sex toys are for them without dropping a ton of cash right away. At 31.99, the Neo Elite is a sweet deal for your wallet and your holes.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review! Thanks SheVibe!

August Wrap Up: Ballin’ on a Budget

Partnered Life

My partner is home and we’re back to our regular sexual program! We’ve been adoring having one another back in the bed together.

Another thing that we’re delighting in is our coffee drinking lives. The partner and I have inherited a frankly astonishing espresso machine that is making our caffeinated lives blissful.

My partner and I also went to DragonCon! We didn’t stay long, just passed through but it was a delightful experience. I got a few souvenirs in the form of T-shirts with a gothic vibe.

Health and Wellness

I’ve felt in better spirits this month thanks to the return of my partner. I’ve started sleeping more regularly and feel fit to continue my work writing! With my depression eased, expect to see more posts around here!

I plan on writing consistently, as well as getting to bed earlier.

Turn ons and Toys

This month  I’ve managed to procure some truly astonishing toys at bargain prices! I’ve worked my deals and used black magic to find the Vixen Johnny in Single Density, The Jopen Comet Key Wand, and the Magic Wand Rechargeable all at different price points but all significantly below their normal purchase price. The highest I paid was $79, and that was for the Magic Wand Rechargeable

I’m also making September the Month of Magic! I’ll be reviewing all my fantasy toys. They are:

Turn ons this month have tended towards the voyeuristic and the exhibitionist. Sometimes I fantasize about walking in on someone masturbating and watching them go at it while I rub one out secretly. But often I fantasize about someone catching me masturbating and finding the sight so incredibly arousing that they can’t help but jerk off.

bratphomet casual

I’ve also been fantasizing so much about my demon fantasy (that I’ve mentioned previously) that I’ve commissioned a character to act out that fantasy! You’ve seen her on my Twitter and I’m formally introducing her now on my blog. Her name is Bellephagor, and she’s a Baphomet. Standing at 5’0″, she’s short but imposing. She’s also the Head of the Torture Department in Hell. Rumor has it that she’s known to sexually torment a lucky few sinners~. This makes me want to write a post about sexual exploration through art and living vicariously through characters. Do you think this would be a good idea? Let me know in the comments!

Misc.

Going to attend Sex Down South. Commissioning art of my new character, Bellephagor. Reading a series of witchy thriller novels. Starting up my daily writing. Drinking an Americano in bed. Watering my pet basil plant, Jeffrey. Switching between the Zumio and the Magic Wand Rechargeable whenever I fancy it. Buying toys on r/usedsextoys. Buying cute enamel pins. Going to a business party with my partner’s coworkers. Drinking honey beer. Watching the Dark Crystal and the Netflix Series it spawned. Marathoning the Rocky Movies.

Melted! The Magma Silicone Dildo Review

The summer of 2017 was the first time I started really getting into the world of sex toys. I voraciously consumed articles from Epiphora, Dangerous Lilly and Artemisa FemmeCock. As I combed through old posts, the ones that were the most exciting and the most heart wrenching were the posts that featured discontinued products. I look back on those posts featuring lost brands like Ophoria and Fucking Sculptures with a sense of frustration. Such great toys that I will NEVER get to experience unless by the grace of some god out there I snagged one in a sale or in a swap. And so I had, for the longest time, assumed the Tantus Splash would be forever out of my reach as well…until now. A few months ago, Tantus relaunched the Splash in it’s new, re-vamped form as The Magma. Delighted beyond all reason, I asked SheVibe to review it and they agreed! Now all this dildo had to do was live up to the hype.

Just by looking at the Magma, I knew I was in for an intense experience of some kind. Not because of the dimensions necessarily though. At about seven inches long in total with six insertable inches, the Magma is not an ultra long toy, nor is it particularly girthy, clocking in at just 1.5 inches thick. But then, were this toy any bigger, it would easily be the most overwhelming toy in my collection currently. The ad copy for the Magma claims that the Magma is ‘super soft’ which most dildo veterans know to be a bit of an exaggeration when it comes to Tantus. The Magma is flexible and bendy, but I wouldn’t call it squishy or soft really. It doesn’t want to conform to the inner workings of my body in the way that an Uberrime or a LustArts toy does, but it doesn’t fight my contours too much. So while I won’t validate this toy as being ‘super soft’ I will say that it’s not as hard as their regular formula.

So how did the made over Splash fair in my vag? Well, this is the part of the review that I’ve been putting off writing, because well…it requires nuance. I really can’t rattle off an exuberant idiom proclaiming my love for this dildo but I also can’t say that I’ve fallen in love with it. It’s hard to say how I feel about the Magma. At times, it can be wildly and uncomfortably scrape-y on my insides. But at other times, it can be a pretty pleasurable ride. During the days where my cunt is so desensitized that I have to bust out the textured heavy hitters to get any kind of pleasurable sensation out of my leaden vagina, I’ll whip out the Magma. But most days, I found the Magma to be far too firm and far to scrape-y and scratchy in my vagina to really be an asset in masturbation. It was distracting, and sometimes uncomfortable to the point of pain if I wasn’t using very thick lube a la GCL or going very slowly. With a lot of warm up, I found the Magma to be more comfortable, but not really very pleasurable. So really, outside of the initial testing phase, this dildo hasn’t seen a lot of use.

My overwhelming sense of the Magma is of someone who encounters a much vaunted classic movie and then is wildly underwhelmed. Imagine if you went in to watch Titanic and came away feeling feeling mildly uncomfortable and confused as to why everyone was raving over it and you’ll get the scope of my feelings for this toy. Tantus, I’m afraid you’ve struck out again with me.

This toy was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

Uberrime Spiro Review

The Uberrime Spiro is an EXTREMELY charming dildo. I mean, how could I not ask to review it? With those bright colors and enticing G-spotty head, I couldn’t resist. The orange makes the Spiro look like a fuckable mimosa, which is probably my favorite cocktail to drink while lounging in a bubble bath. I just have to be careful with those, or else I end up spending a longer time in the bath than I originally planned. But back to the Spiro, I’m delighted to say that this is as visually delicious as it is vaginally!

The Spiro is a relatively average dimensioned dildo, with 6 and half inches of length and a maximum girth of 1.75 inches. It’s thick, but not overwhelmingly so. Rather, it provides a nice chunk of silicone for your hole to squeeze around. The density is firm, which can make initial insertion uncomfortable. I recommend a healthy amount of lube and a session of gentler warm up before using the Spiro.

The product description says that the Spiro is a G-spotting toy, and with that unusually shaped head, it’s pretty obvious why. As a G-spotter, the Spiro is a fine dildo, worthy of it’s comparison to a mimosa. Feeling that unique, flat yet bulbous head stroke my G-spot is a squirm-inducing affair and I’m quite the fan. But it also has another, more secret purpose: being an A-spotting tool for the more petite among us. Which, if you don’t know, I am one of the more petite among us. I clock in at about 5’2″ depending on which of my doctors you ask. So most toys that are used for A-spot pleasure are usually too long for me. But the Spiro has gotten me interested in this more hidden place of pleasure within my body. I can’t say for certain that I’ve experienced A-spot pleasure, but I’ve definitely felt some interesting sensations deeper in my vagina.

With regards to the rest of the Spiro,  The ridges are noticeable but gentle, not something that will appeal to the texture slutty among us. But it gives my vaginal walls enough sensation that I won’t write the Spiro’s ridges off. I personally like my texture understated when I’m in my more sensitive days, so the Spiro saw more use when I was on or close to menstruation. However, I have to be careful with the length, or else I risk jabbing my cervix on those days. It’s a tradeoff, but it’s one I’m happy to make.

The Spiro is like the perfect mimosa. It’s sweet but with just a little kick and it’ll get you exactly where you need to go. Uberrime, keep being an absolute GEM.

I received this product free of charge in exchange for an honest review. Thanks Uberrime! 

Get the Spiro here at SheVibe! 

 

Stuffed by Silicone: The Sensi Dildo Review

Sex bloggers want two things out of a sex toy: something well-designed that satisfies our libido, and something that doesn’t force us to give up being lazy. We see these conditions satisfied in inventions like the Stronic, a pulsator toy that thrusts itself and was lauded by many a blogger and in innovations like lube dispensers. Toys that are badly designed are rightly roasted, but perhaps more frustrating are the toys that require things to be just so for us to come. So when I heard of a new Uberrime dildo that promised almost effortless sensation, my heart fluttered. Could it be true? Pleasure for almost NO EFFORT? SIGN ME UP! Folx, please spread your legs and clap your hands for the latest in dildo technology: The Sensi.

By most accounts, the Sensi is a fairly petite dildo. At just 4.5 inches long and 1.6 inches at the thickest and incredibly squishy, the Sensi is safe size-wise for most vaginas. The shape is a little unusual, a little reminiscent of a traditional butt plug due to the thinner neck. But the Sensi differs from its butt-plugging cousins as it features an unusual base meant to not chafe the labia which is greatly appreciated. This peculiar base makes the Sensi work perfectly for vaginal plugging, but not at all for anal plugging. While I kind of wish for a multi-use plug, I’m honestly not upset. Butt plugs are ubiquitous, vag only plugs are rare and exciting.

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The Sensi as featured on Uberrime’s website. What a drool-worthy trio!

Having never had the chance to try a vaginal plug before, I was beyond excited. The only other plug I knew of was the Jollet, a toy beautiful, but purportedly quite hard and unforgiving in the orifices. So when the Sensi promised a softer experience, I felt giddy with delight. Squishing the silicone between my fingers, I knew I’d be in for it. Already visions were dancing through my head of how I would use my new prize. Most prominent in my mind was a kink scene featuring the plug in me all day long. I fantasized about how I would fare going about my daily errands while squeezing around the Sensi’s plush silicone, eliciting little shivers of pleasure I went plugged to the library.

As I slid the Sensi in, it locked in place as though it were a missing puzzle piece from my vagina. It had all the mental satisfaction of fitting a corner piece into it’s spot with all the sexual pleasure of a well-shaped dildo. Visiting a library while covertly squeezing around plush silicone felt FUCKING EXCELLENT. The Sensi presses against my G-spot, and stays in even during vigorous exercise all the while being comfortable to wear due to the softness. The base nestled between my labia agreeably, with the soft oval shape almost forgotten as I went about my day. The smallness of the base is also excellent, because it doesn’t block access to my clit and the sheer laziness of popping the Sensi in and holding the Exposed Nocturnal against my clit makes me grin every time. I feel almost smug with that level of ease. Were I more inclined to feel shame, I might feel a little embarrassed about how quick and easily I came with the Sensi. But I’m not inclined to feel shame; I fucking love how lazy and decadent the Sensi makes me feel.

As a kegel exerciser, I found the Sensi to be fairly good in this purpose, with more G-spot sensation coming as a reward for every squeeze. Idly squeezing the dildo as I read has become a favorite past time of mine and has helped me in the writing of more tedious pieces. And through some parts of this review, I’ve found myself slipping in the Sensi, ostensibly for more research but mostly because it felt amazing.

I’ve had only one bad experience with the Sensi. Feeling extra ambitious one day, I used it in conjunction with the Medium NJoy Pure Plug and that was a mistake. My orifices felt crammed too full and so I had to pull the Pure Plug out to avoid feeling like my butt and vag were being torturously pried open. I imagine though that I might eventually be able to do a pair of plugs if I slowly worked my way up to that, which I might someday do, if only to be one of the first to have both orifices plugged pleasurably.

Marco has created a toy for kinksters and lazy people alike, which is kind of amazing if you think about it with how much work kink usually involves. The Sensi deserves to be the next biggest thing; a dildo that not only do you not have to thrust to enjoy, but one that you can wear to work with everyone unknowing AND it has a comfortable base for long-term wear. At $39, this is a STEAL for an item that I frankly haven’t seen any other company attempt since Jollet, who’s products don’t lend themselves well to long-term wear. My toybox is being slowly overtaken by Uberrime, but the Sensi shines among my toys as something truly special.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime and SheVibe!


April Wrap Up: Moving, Malaise and Morning Pages

Partnered Life

My partner and I have been in a trying time what with his graduation and us moving in together! With all these moving parts, we’ve been working to remain intimate, but we’re looking forward to the relief we’ll feel once we finally get unpacked! Right now, there’s currently a metric ass ton of boxes in our place. So most of this week we’ll be sorting through our stuff and trying to make our place more of a home.

In addition to this nonsense,  my boyfriend and I plan on christening the apartment by having sex as soon as we canI am delighted to finally have a new space and I will be moving into a safer neighborhood.

Also, I’ve learned the unfortunate reality of couples: if one of us gets sick, we both do. The night after my boyfriend’s last day of classes he got sick and I took care of him the next day. But then I ended up contracting the same sickness. I had a fever for a few days while we were moving and I felt just like a rotisserie chicken as we moved. Luckily I’m starting to recover and having some down time has let me get back to posting on this blog! I’m hoping to write twice weekly again as things calm down and we settle into a routine.

Health and Wellness

With both my boyfriend and I both sick, this section is again a little light. We both remembered the power of the power up potion: a tea made with lemon, ginger and honey and drank scalding hot. It’s our go to for sick days and it’s healthier than Gatorade.

In terms of mental health though, I’ve found doing my morning pages works wonders for my brain! Spilling out onto the page in the morning puts me in touch with my thoughts and feelings in a very tangible way. It also helps me recognize my goals. In fact, journaling is what made want to start my very own sex blog, so getting back into it is refreshing.

Also, I’ve been taking more time to sit and read books, which has proved to be very relaxing and helps me get to sleep. I’ve just finished Bird by Bird and The Artist’s Way and I’m on to reading How to Write a Novel in 30 Days as well as A Billion Wicked Thoughts and the novel Supermarket. And I finished listening to the first book in the Game of Thrones series, so I think I’m making a great deal of progress on my reading list!

Turn ons and Toys

I’ve been in LOVE with Uberrime’s Uberron. I’ve got both the A and the B for when I want a stretch (which is often). I’ve also been reading more porn than watching it, which is a refreshing change for me. I’ve found dommy scenes to be extremely hot, especially with spanking and fingering scenes. I want my boyfriend to bend me over his lap and go to town on my fat ass now. Maybe I could convince him to finger my ass too…

I’ve also been DREAMING about the Doxy I got from my pal SugarCunt! I’ve been looking for a powerful wand to bully my clit and I’m finally getting a Doxy! I’ve talked about wanting one before, but it’s only recently that I finally nerved up and got one! As soon as I get one in hand, I have no doubt it’ll be used for forced orgasm scenes, reviews and much more. I’ve got a backlog of dildo reviews, so having this sucker will be instrumental in my playtime as clit stim.

Also, I’ve been thinking about writing Avenger’s fanfiction ever since I went to see Endgame. Specifically, I want all of the male cast to get topped by the female cast. I’m a sucker for femdom and for guys getting the strap, so you may see some of that on my blog!

Miscellaneous 

Having a regular order at my favorite pizza place. Checking out books from the library and finishing them. Taking the window seat by the café and doing my morning pages. Petting my foster kitty. Discovering new cafés to eat at. Taking care of my sick partner. Watching kaiju films naked with my boyfriend in our new apartment. Making coffee. Telling my boyfriend about my kinks. Writing in a Moleskine journal. Bathing in my new tub. Talking to friends. Writing bad poetry.

The Gooshi Dildo and Gooshi Titan Review

I love working with indie manufacturers of sex toys. They’re always bringing something new and exciting to the table; whether it be the chunky, cheerful semi-realism of Uberrime or the stunning colors of Strange Bed Fellas or the intricate detail of Lust Arts, indie makers are constantly bringing new shapes and colors to the sex toy industry. For this reason, I reached out to a relatively unknown dildo maker on Etsy: Gooshi Dildos. I gushed to him about his homemade dildos, asking if I might review them. To my delight, he agreed! Matt sent me the Gooshi proper and the Gooshi Titan in exchange for my fair review.

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The Titan pictured left and the Gooshi Proper pictured right.

The Gooshi proper and the The Gooshi Titan are sort of abstract in style. The Gooshi is a plain, curved affair with three prominent ridges for internal stimulation, while the Titan is an undulating piece of varied thickness. The measurements for the Gooshi are well within the average dildo size, clocking in at just under 7 inches in usable length and is about 1.5 inches thick according to the webpage. The Titan, as its name suggests is somewhat more formidable in girth. Like its sibling, it is also about 7 inches long, but it sports an impressive maximum girth of 2.2 inches. That was what really excited me, the girth queen. Eager to get these boys into my vagina, I lubed them up, turned on some pornography and…was a little disappointed over all.

Neither Gooshi has worked well for my body. Those ridges on the Gooshi proper, which looked so promising in the product photos and squished so delightfully in my hand were quite painful upon insertion. Upon entering into my vagina, I winced and groaned from the surprising pain. There was a sharp discomfort upon insertion and removal, not unlike the discomfort I felt with the Element #2. Except there were three ridges this time, so it made for x3 discomfort. Even paired with a strong clitoral vibe, I still couldn’t find a lot of pleasure because of how the ridges felt during thrusting. Frustrated, I switched to another dildo and finally brought myself to orgasm after an hour of frustration.

The Gooshi Titan was less uncomfortable than its smaller sibling, but still somewhat lackluster. Something about the swell didn’t agree with my body, and it became something of a task to force the dildo inside. I’ve taken 2 inch thick dildos before without any trouble, so my difficulty with the Titan was a bit mystifying. The feeling of the head was pleasant, but the design of the swell just didn’t gel with me. I wish I had more to say, but I’m afraid that’s all I can offer.

While these two dildos have disappointed me, I still have hope for Gooshi as a whole. This is a one man operation, so I imagine feedback is important and will allow Gooshi to grow and craft better, more pleasurable toys. With the debut of Gooshi’s Infinity Dick and Pony dildo, which I note lack sharp ridges or awkward swells, I think Matt of Gooshi dildos is learning his trade and creating more beautiful toys. But if you’re thinking of the Gooshi or the Titan, I urge you to think again.

Fuze Major Review

In the course of my reviewing career, I have reviewed fantastical mermaids, zombie penises, dildos that look like nothing in particular and dildos that more resemble abstract art than the human phallus. Put simply, I haven’t seen a realistic dildo since starting reviewing, and until recently owned exactly one dildo that could claim to be realistic.  But ever since SheVibe took me on their reviewer program, I’ve had the chance to expand my sexual horizons by asking for…a dildo that looks like a penis, aka the Fuze Major. Listen, this is BRAIN-BREAKINGLY funny to me. Having more experience with silicone unicorn horns than penises? OF COURSE THIS WOULD BE MY LIFE.

Anyway, in attempting to broaden my horizons so to speak, I asked SheVibe to send me the Fuze Major, an uncut suction cup dildo. It’s a petite thing compared to the monster dildos that comprise my usual fare, but for most people it would probably fall in the average range. At 6 1/4 inches in length and around 1.5 inches in thickness, the Major has dimensions that would most likely be found on a cis man. The Fuze Major also fairly emulates what an uncut cis man might look like, which for some will be a serious draw and for others a major turn off. For my own tastes, I love the foreskin on this toy which is why I asked for it. Uncut toys are something of a rarity and having the chance to own one was something I jumped on!

FUZE MAJOR PRODUCT PHOTO
The Fuze posed outside in the warm afternoon sun.

Using this toy however, required adjusting my expectations. I’ve been wooed by the soft and squishy dual density toys of late, so I was a little surprised when I gave the Major a squeeze and it didn’t squish. Like the Hollywood vision of military personnel, the Major is firm and fairly inflexible, but its average size makes it so that it can be used after just a little fingering. Sliding it in, I couldn’t feel the foreskin as much as I could the veiny texture of the shaft. That was a little disappointing as I was hoping to really feel it! But the shape of the head was bulbous and pronounced enough that I could feel it on my G-spot. It excelled as both a static and thrusting dildo, and I really enjoyed clenching around it as I gorged my eyes on porn and put the Exposed Nocturnal on my clit. I find myself reaching for it when I want to fantasize about fucking someone uncut, though it hasn’t exactly revolutionized anything in terms of shape or squish. The aesthetics of the Major are really attractive to me

Also, the suction cup is nothing to sneeze at. Once I stuck it to my headboard, it hung out there for the whole day. To go to sleep, I had to yank it off the headboard because it otherwise WOULD NOT FALL OFF. Kudos Fuze, this is a powerful suction cup!

The moment I really want to talk about though, was the time I used it in my harness. As I slid the Major through the O-ring, I marveled at how attractive it looked on me. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t stop staring at the perky Major bobbing from my pelvis. I lubed up and jacked off my artificial erection, hypnotized by the babe in the mirror who was stroking her cock along with me. I felt an erotic flush slowly creep over my body as I watched my self in the mirror. And when I slipped in the Exposed Nocturnal to vibrate my clit while I jerked off? It was confusing, erotic and thrilling all at the same time and I found myself quickly working towards orgasm. I’ve sometimes had fantasies of having my own dick and the Major is what I imagine it would look like if I grew one rather than used a store bought one. Since that episode I’ve been fantasizing non-stop about hot strap-on sex with more than just the Major; visions of fucking someone with the Splendid, Frank’s Monster and the Vamp dance through my head…mmm thanks Major, you’ve opened my eyes.

This is a dildo for people who like average sized dildos that are fairly firm and offer a nice amount of G-spot stimulation. This dildo is also for people who prefer more realistic style dildos and have been aching for some intact representation! This is a fantasy dildo not in the sense that it belongs on a fantasy creature, but that it fulfills the fantasy of fucking or bearing an uncut member. For someone who fantasizes about either, the Major is a dildo worthy of consideration.

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!