JeJoue Classic Bullet Review

As readers of my previous posts may know, I’ve been a faithful lover to my Exposed Nocturnal Bullet. Yes, I admitted the toy had some faults, even in the loving post where I reviewed it, I mentioned that I thought the toy had given me a cut on my urethra. But even the threat of a recurrence of this unfortunate event wasn’t enough to put me off. It’s cheap, rechargeable and strong. And I’d still recommend it if your budget firmly excludes vibrators over fifty dollars! But…this month my clit was wooed. Seduced away from the knife sharp vibrations by more rumbly, sweet vibrations that gently massaged my clitoris and all her internal structures. Yes, I admit, I’ve found someone else. The JeJoue Classic Bullet is rumbly and gentle to me and I’ve fallen head over heels.

The JeJoue Classic Bullet is a silicone covered bullet without any bells and whistles to differentiate it from the other bullets. Well, perhaps excepting the cheerful teal color and squishy silicone tip. There are three buttons on the side, and there are 5 speeds which range from a fluttery tap to a more robust buzz. Some reviewers despise the button placement, but I don’t really find it that inconvenient. Still, it does make the bullet a little less ergonomic. The Classic is also waterproof, which I tested in my sink as I washed a few choice dildos. It holds an average amount of charge, and so I was disappointed the two times it died on me and I had to find another toy to finish me off. Admittedly I go for weeks without charging it, so this is kind of my fault. And, as mentioned above, the Classic also has a squishy tip, which some other reviewers have noted! This makes the bullet vibe a little more comfortable if you like to put pressure against your clit.

Now, as for how the Classic fairs against my clitoris…well, it’s like taking my clit to the spa. This is a gentle massage, a purring rumble that makes my internal structures SWOON. In terms of music, the Exposed Nocturnal is a shrieking electric guitar, all sharp and strong, where the Classic is a thrumming, throbbing bass. The quality of vibrations are so different that it actually took a little while for my brain to interpret the vibrations of pleasurable. But I also noticed that my clit needed less of a break between orgasms and felt less raw after the sessions. There’s a fuzzy-wuzzy comfortable feeling to these vibrations and it penetrates deeply, so my clitoris doesn’t get numbed out like it does sometimes with buzzier vibes. My whole clitoral network gets involved, so I can place this just to one side of my vulva and be awash in LOVELY sensation. On the lower levels, the sensation is almost like tapping on my clit rather than strictly vibrations. It’s like a tapping pattern but with no break in stimulation. What I’m saying is that this vibe is like a good vanilla ice cream: not innovative, but a simple thing done excellently. And at a fair price considering the Classic is only $59!

I’m not saying that I don’t still love my Exposed Nocturnal, it was my first love after all. But I am saying that I’m not monogamous with my vibrators. The Classic has been a trooper, reliably tapping and thrumming against my clit until I shudder and cum. Honestly, it’s a toy that exemplifies the perks of being a sex toy reviewer.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!

Femme Fun Ultra Bullet Review

The Femme Fun Ultra Bullet is undeniably cute. A fat bullet covered in adorably bright turquoise silicone with a bright pink button? Probably one of the most aesthetically pleasing designs I’ve seen in a while. It puts me in mind of Easter eggs that you might find in the grass and it makes me ache for warmer spring weather. The Femme Fun bullet caught my eye more  as I looked for alternatives to the Tango, and while I’ve certainly found alternatives, I never really stopped being enamored of the clean, cute design of the Ultra Bullet. So you can imagine my delight when SheVibe allowed me to review it! Of course, I should know more than anyone that looks can be deceiving, because this bullet isn’t what I hoped for.

femme fun ultra bullet product photo
The Femme Fun Ultra Bullet really makes me think of spring.

When I said the bullet was fat, I suppose technically I wasn’t correct. Looking now at the measurements of the bullet, the widest part is only .91 inches thick, smaller than most thin dildos. I suppose the roundness of the design is what imparts a sense of chunkiness to the bullet, as well its fat base. The Femme Fun Ultra Bullet is fully waterproof, which I dutifully tested during a hot bubble bath. It buzzed away faithfully without complaint as I lounged in my tub, providing a pleasingly decadent orgasm. The bullet also claims to have 20 functions, which I dutifully counted, and the ad copy is correct. It has a fine battery life and operates via the single large button on the bottom. To turn it on, you press and hold the button, and to change settings you click the button briefly. All fairly standard and simple, though the inability to go back to a favored setting is especially annoying with the Femme Fun Ultra Bullet. You must cycle through all of the other functions to get back, which is very tedious considering there are so many settings. The memory function is also odd, because if I click off the vibe on my finishing speed (usually the highest steady speed) then the vibe tries to be helpful by starting me off on that speed when I turn it on again. This can make using the vibrator sort of awkward because when I click on the vibe, I expect a nice low speed and am instead assaulted with the highest steady one. After I click the vibrator once though, the vibrator goes back to the first steady speed and progresses normally.

The controls are really what make the Femme Fun a let down for me. Well, that and that there are only three steady speeds. Yes, the Femme Fun Ultra Bullet does have 20 functions as promised! 17 OF THOSE ARE PATTERNS. Epiphora asked her readers and the results are in: patterns are not what make us come. No one praises the Tango for its patterns, and they are not the feature of the Nocturnal. My clit feels sort of battered from all directions when experiencing a lot of the patterns. This, combined with the fact that I must experience them in order to get to my favored settings irritates me to no end.

Perhaps I would be less salty about there being only three steady speeds if I were able to navigate them more easily. Because quite honestly, the steady speeds are lovely! The low one is perfect to stir arousal, and is therefore great for when I’m reading erotica and having a long session. The second and third speeds are pleasingly rumbly and strong and are surface level and all of those other buzz words which generally mean I get to orgasm. Even my boyfriend enjoyed vibrations of this quality, as he agreed to test it by putting it (partially) in his ass. He said it felt really interesting and pleasurable as he slid it in, and I couldn’t help but feel a little hornier watching him like that…anyway. If I could navigate through these three speeds then I’d feel a lot better using the Femme Fun Ultra Bullet, and I’d feel even better if there were a greater range of steady speeds.

The Femme Fun is charmingly designed, strong, rumbly and rechargeable. If that was all that mattered, then I’d be hawking it to you at the top of my voice. But the controls of the vibrator make me WINCE. Furiously clicking through the patterns so I can drop the vibrator down to a lower steady speed is frustrating, and I can’t even reset by turning it off because the memory function will start me wherever I stopped. If I were to remake this vibe, I would hack off a good chunk of the patterns, increase the range of steady speeds and make it more navigable. Since I can’t, I’ll point you to my preferred clit vibe at the moment, the Exposed Nocturnal which I reviewed here. No it’s not as cute and it doesn’t come in turquoise, but it doesn’t force me to experience patterns and it has 5 steady speeds.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks SheVibe!